Tenna Is, In Fact, A Prize To Be Won

You enter the studio through the employee-only door in the backlot, creeping quietly through the empty corridors. It's... well, you can't see all that much, given that the only illumination is the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling, but it looks... {reveal link: 'a little run-down?', text: 'like it kind of sucks.'} You have to admit, you'd expected more glamour. This is a TV studio! It's where the magic happens! Surely the magic... should exist, right? You try to picture it during the day, beautiful yet untouchable models slinking along the very path you're treading, stagehands running by, a diva throwing a fit because their dressing room is a single degree too warm, an exhausted director who is powered solely by the magic of cocaine yelling through a headset... Wow, even your imagination can't make this place glamorous. Still! Never mind! [[Your reward awaits.]]

You met Mr (Ant) Tenna in a bar a few weeks ago. He's sweet, a little dorky, a little {reveal link: 'insecure' , text: 'insecure (so sue you\, you like a project)'}, surprisingly jacked, {reveal link: 'got legs for days', text: 'got legs for days, arms for days, torso for days, head for days, nose for days (what you\'re saying is he\'s twenty feet tall)'}, may or may not have fangs and claws... basically the perfect man. (Also he has a TV for a head, but that's kind of... people look like all kinds of things. You learn from infancy that it's insensitive to point that out.) When you'd asked for his phone number, he'd given you a landline, looking at you in complete confusion when you asked for his cellphone. In the end, he'd given you the number of his assistant, and ever since then, all of your not-in-person communication with him has been through [[Mike]].

Mike is a weird guy. He seems to switch between consummate professional, charismatic flirt, King of Typos, and "guy who replies to your texts with :-) (or sometimes :3) and nothing else." You've shown this conversation history to your friends, and they've all agreed that they want to dissect this dude in a lab. Today you've been talking to the professional Mike, the one who never replies to any of your silly asides, and he's invited you to meet Mr Tenna (never Ant, never even Anthony... you guess they must not be that close) backstage after hours. Of course, you jumped at the chance, and now here you are, creeping through the hallways, squinting to try and find your way and hoping this will be worth it. [[Behind you.]]

A rectangular hole opens in the podium, spitting out a drawer with a sheet of paper and a {cycling link for: 'ink', choices: ['black', 'blue', 'red', 'green', 'heliotrope', 'polka dot']} pen. "Okay," Small Mike says. "This is gonna be an essay question, so I hope you paid attention in school! Describe... Tenna's perfect date!" You glance behind him at the other Mikes, hoping for some kind of hint. Cat Mike has his microphone-hands over his face, and Cowboy Mike looks like they would be cringing if they had any visible features. ...You kind of agree. "Well?" Small Mike says expectantly. "Grab your damn pen, time's ticking!" You pick up your pen and look down at the paper, trying to think of a [[topic]].

tennaPoints: tennaPoints + 0 -- Small Mike takes the paper from you, his fellow Mikes looking over his shoulder, and begins to read out loud. Well... he *tries* to read out loud. After a second his brow scrunches up (as far as you can tell, anyway) and he turns the paper 90 degrees to try and read it again. And then again. And then again. When the paper is fully back to its original position, he raises his microphone to his mouth again. "WRONG! That's- well, honestly, that's not even WORDS! So I dunno what that means for a date but I do know that it would be a BAD ONE! NO POINTS FOR YOU! {link to: 'abandon', label: 'NEXT QUESTION!"'}

A smaller version of the screen sits on the podium in front of you. On it, a pixellated (and adorable) {reveal link: 'pink Tenna', text: 'pink Tenna (notably not you, or Mike, or anyone else involved in this)'} is cheerily marching through... some kind of apocalyptic hellscape. Great! "So, this is the game board," Mike says. "We- well, Tenna, I'm not making custom sprites for this- he's gonna go walking along here, and whenever he runs into something, you get a challenge. Simple, right?" As you watch, musing on how cute its little smile is, some kind of... hurricane... with legs? comes into view. "Theeere we go," Mike says, making Adorable Pink Tenna speedwalk into it. "You better be ready, kid, because it's time for your [[first challenge!"]]

tennaPoints: 0 mikePoints: 0 creepPoints: 0 -- The screen goes blank for a second- "So sue me," Mike says, "we didn't have the budget for the special effects!"- and comes back to a blue screen with large white text on it. **`WHAT IS TENNA'S FAVOURITE COLOUR?`** You blink at it, then look back at your weird little captor. "Seriously? You brought me here for a-" "HEY HEY HEY, you don't have time to be talking! Time's ticking down!" Mike points at you dramatically. "Hurry up!" You look down at the podium again, seeing that your screen has lit up with four options. A [[RED]] B [[YELLOW]] C [[BLACK]] D [[GREEN]]

tennaPoints: tennaPoints + 1 -- A loud *DING* echoes through the air, and your screen lights up with a green circle. "Correct!" Mike booms. "But that was just a warm-up! [[Next question!]]

tennaPoints: tennaPoints + 0 -- An extremely loud incorrect buzzer tries to {reveal link: 'explode your eardrums', text: 'explode your eardrums (you cover your ears, yelping),'} and a red X shows up on screen. "Wrong! It's-" Mike looks offstage for a moment. "Okay, yeah, it's his second favourite colour, but I'm not giving partial credit here! What do I look like, some kinda wimpy high school teacher?! [[Next question!]]"

tennaPoints: tennaPoints - 1 -- An extremely loud incorrect buzzer tries to {reveal link: 'explode your eardrums', text: 'explode your eardrums (you cover your ears, yelping),'} and a red X shows up on screen. "WRONG!" Mike says. "His pants are the most boring part of his outfit! How could ya think they were his favourite? Hah, this is gonna be easy. [[Next question!]]"

mikePoints: mikePoints + 1 -- Mike is silent for a second, then looks up at the big screen, seeming almost... confused. "Huh? What? Why would his favourite colour be- never mind, never mind, WRONG! You're WRONG!" An extremely loud incorrect buzzer plays several times, like someone is hammering the button. Did you just... hit a nerve, somehow? "Hey," you say, "Would it be bad if his favourite colour *was*-" Mike's permanent smile wavers. "[[Next question!]]"

[if mikePoints > 0] Mike clears his throat and adjusts his tie. [continue] "Hey," you say, "could you maybe read these out or-" "Nope! Read it yourself! I'm not here to take care of *you*." A new question flashes up on the board, and with it, a new set of [[answers]].

The {reveal link: 'door', text: 'door, which you admit you had left very slightly ajar just in case Mr Tenna hadn\'t informed security and you had to book it,'} slams shut, a metallic scraping sound letting you know that a deadbolt has been drawn. You whirl around to look at it, and something huge and blocky, definable only by its silhouette, *moves away* into the shadows. Shit. Shit. Oh god. Oh god Tenna's a psychopath and he's going to murder you. You have to- [[To the side.]]

Struck by a sudden sense of horror, you jerk your head to the side. A pair of eyes, pink and yellow and oh-so-large, stare back at you, and the mouth beneath opens in a smile, wide and toothy and *coming closer*- You shove it away and run, feet almost soundless against the floor- of course, they must oil the boards to make sure no sound makes its way into recording- and burst through a curtain to find the room has opened up onto... [[a stage?]]

For a moment, you stand there, stunned. Oh. Of course. You must have just entered stage... left? Stage right? You can't remember which direction it- *wait oh god you just remembered you're about to die*. You scan the room, trying to find an exit that isn't back into the wings, but you can't tell in the dark how tall the stage is or if there's some kind of orchestra pit below it. You're about to say 'screw it' and jump anyway, when [[a spotlight]] turns on above you.

**`HOW DOES TENNA TAKE HIS COFFEE?`** A- ICED B- HOT C- DOESN'T LIKE COFFEE D- HOWEVER MIKE MAKES IT None of those seem like... actual answers to you. Behind Mike, there is a flash of something {reveal link: 'white.', text: 'white: you squint... is that a whiteboard? With a B written on it?'} What will you choose? A [[ICED]] B [[HOT]] C [[DOESN'T LIKE COFFEE]] D [[HOWEVER MIKE MAKES IT]]

tennaPoints: tennaPoints + 0 -- There's another extremely loud incorrect buzzer, but you're better prepared for it this time. "Nope," Mike says. "That's only in summer, idiot!" "Surely that still counts," you protest. "No it doesn't." His grin seems to widen. "If you actually knew Tenna, you'd know how he likes it normally. So you don't get any points. Let's take a look at [[your score so far]]!"

tennaPoints: tennaPoints +1 -- "Correct!" Another ding, another green circle. "*Hot* isn't a way to take coffee," you point out. "It's like... black, or milk and sugar, or... or a freakin' *latte* or something." "Wrong!" Mike says. "Every time I bring him hot coffee, it's fine! Doesn't matter how I make it! Nobody else ever gets it right the first time, but I do. Motormouth Mike knows what Tenna likes!" You blink at him. "Are you sure it's not just that-" "Let's take a look at [[your score so far]]!"

tennaPoints: tennaPoints - 1 -- There's another extremely loud incorrect buzzer, but you're better prepared for it this time. "WRONG! He asks for a cup of coffee pretty much every show, come on! Don't you ever watch him on TV?" [if tennaPoints < 0] You shrug. Mike seems a little discomfited by this. "Wait, do you really... never mind. Let's take a look at [[your score so far]]." [else] "Of course I do," you say. "You've kinda put me on the spot here!" Mike laughs. "Yeah, whatever! You don't know him at all! Get outta his- uh, my face!" You roll your eyes. "Okay, okay, let's take a look at [[your score so far]]."

mikePoints: mikePoints + 1 -- [if mikePoints > 1] Mike startles and looks up at the board again. Is that... a blush on his face? "H-huh? Again with the... look, *yeah*, it's *true*, but it's not the right- SHUT UP!" Oh yeah. He's definitely flustered. Something is *going on* here. "The score!" He snaps to someone offstage. "Bring up {link to: 'your score so far', label: 'the damn score!'}" [else] Mike is silent for a second, then looks up at the big screen. "I... Okay, that's... that's *true*, but it's not the answer I was looking for, so you ain't getting any points for it!" An extremely loud incorrect buzzer plays several times, like someone is hammering the button. Did you just... hit a nerve, somehow? "Don't you like making his coffee?" you ask. "What? Of course I- ugh, don't distract me, it's time to take a look at [[your score so far]]."

The screen goes blank and the lights flicker. "Don't... I get to take a look?" you ask. "I guess not," Mike says. "Looks like we're having some technical difficulties. HEY, can someone get the heck up there and see what's going on?! Anyway, I have your score, so..." He clears his throat, and you hear a noise from above you, like someone making their way across a platform. [if tennaPoints > 1] "Hey, you're doing pretty good!" Mike taps his notecards against his hand. You can't tell if he's- well, obviously he's *smiling*, but you can't tell if it's... actually because he's happy or not. [if tennaPoints > -2 && tennaPoints < 2 && mikePoints == 0] "Hm. You're not doing *terrible* so far, but I'm NOT impressed! If you wanna date my boss, you better try harder!" Mike taps his notecards against his hand. "And it's not gonna get easier from here!" [if tennaPoints < -1] "Haha, wow! You SUCK! Are you even trying? I'm gonna kick you out if you don't shape up!" Mike taps his notecards against his hand. "And if you're *not* trying, you can just LEAVE!" [if mikePoints == 1] "Hm. You're not doing *bad* so far, but flattery ain't getting you anywhere, kid. TRY HARDER!" Mike taps his notecards against his hand and clears his throat. [if mikePoints == 2] "You're... Well, you suck at this! I don't even know what you think you're doing!" Mike adjusts his tie, and even without visible eyes you can tell he's looking away from you. "A-anyway." [continue] He looks up into the rafters. "HEY, HOW WE DOING UP THERE?" As if in answer, the lights flicker back on and the screen blinks [[back into life]].

What do you want to write about? {link to: 'ok date', label: 'Going out out for dinner and a show'} {link to: 'good date', label: 'Staying in and watching TV'} {link to: 'bad date', label: 'Hanging out at the garbage dump'} {link to: 'mike date', label: 'Tenna taking Small Mike out for dinner'} {link to: 'idk date', label: 'I don\'t know! I DON\'T KNOW!'} {link to: 'BAD END', label: 'Beating the hell out of Toriel for throwing Tenna away'} {link to: 'ok date', label: 'A nice walk in the park followed by a picnic'} {link to: 'i understood that reference', label: 'April 25th'} {link to: 'NSFW', label: 'A very long, detailed, explicit description of sex with Tenna'} {link to: 'bad date', label: 'Bringing Tenna to hang out with that mail guy'} {link to: 'ok date', label: 'A nice trip to the aquarium'} {link to: 'good date', label: 'A movie marathon at home'} {link to: 'BAD END', label: 'Chopping Tenna\'s goddamn arms off'} {link to: 'hot mike date', label: 'Tenna holding and kissing Small Mike'} {link to: 'good date', label: 'Carefully polishing Tenna\'s screen'} {link to: 'ok date', label: 'Going on a hike\, followed by watching the sunset'} {link to: 'bad date', label: 'Sitting in a room with him looking at your phone'} {link to: 'come on fhqwghads', label: 'Just scribble all over the page so it looks like you\'re writing, oh god'}

tennaPoints: tennaPoints + 1 -- Small Mike takes the paper from you, his fellow Mikes looking over his shoulder, and begins to read out loud. Once he's done, he looks to his fellow Mikes for input. "This kinda sucks, right?" "I dunno, boss," Cowboy Mike says. "I wouldn't mind doin' it with someone. Sometime." Cat Mike nods and gestures between the three of them, managing to make ":-)" happen somehow. Small Mike shuffles his feet, that almost-blush rising on his face. "Yeah, well, maybe. I'll THINK about it." He turns back to you. "But as for YOU... this is just a generic date!" "You asked me to come up with a date!" you protest. "YEAH, but come on! This is TENNA! M- uh, YOUR someone SPECIAL! You can't tailor the date idea to him just a LITTLE? BOOOO!" "How about *you* come up with a better idea, then?!" "Oh, I HAVE better ideas! I have a THOUSAND better ideas, and YOU don't get to hear them! {link to: 'abandon', label: 'NEXT QUESTION!"'}

tennaPoints: tennaPoints - 2 -- Small Mike takes the paper from you, his fellow Mikes looking over his shoulder, and begins to read out loud. "Nope!" he says before he's even finished. "NOPE, no way! This would SUCK for him! Not just suck, this would HURT HIS FEELINGS! And I'm NOT letting you do THAT!" Cat Mike manages to project the idea of ":-(" at you. "Seriously," Small Mike says, "do you even KNOW Tenna at ALL? Do you even CARE about getting to know him? Ugh, you're seriously so bad at this. {link to: 'abandon', label: 'Next question."'}

creepPoints: creepPoints + 5 -- Small Mike takes the paper from you, his fellow Mikes looking over his shoulder, and begins to read out loud. He's only a couple of sentences in when his reading begins to slow, and shortly after that he gives a huge flinch and stops talking altogether. Cowboy Mike makes a noise of protest. "C'mon, boss, we's need to-" "Shut up, Jongler," he says, sharper and more serious than you've heard from him before now. "Let me read." Cowboy Mike and Cat Mike look at each other and take a step back, giving their boss room to hunch over the paper and finish reading in silence. Cat Mike is wringing his microphone hands. Cowboy Mike reaches over and pets him with their boxing gloves. You wonder idly if it actually feels any good. Small Mike reads the paper another time through, then looks up at you. [["What the hell is this?"]]

tennaPoints: tennaPoints + 2 -- Small Mike takes the paper from you, his fellow Mikes looking over his shoulder, and begins to read out loud. His face softens almost immediately. "Aw," Cowboy Mike says. "Dis is real sweet." Cat Mike makes a swooning motion into their arms. "...Yeah," Small Mike says. "Yeah, I gotta admit, this one's pretty good. He'd really like it." "We's should have dates like dis," Cowboy Mike says. "Not JUST like dis, but..." "Planned out for each other? Yeah, yeah, I get you. We'll talk about it later." Small Mike gestures to the board again. "Okay! Are you ready for... {link to: 'abandon', label: 'the penultimate question?"'}

tennaPoints: tennaPoints + 0 -- Small Mike takes the paper from you, his fellow Mikes looking over his shoulder, and begins to read out loud. He doesn't need to read very long, because your answer is only two sentences. "You don't know?" He blinks. Somehow. "You don't KNOW?! You're trying to date the guy and you don't have any ideas for a date?!" "I mean-" you try to say, but he seems to be on a roll. "You don't have a whole FOLDER of cute date ideas? Not even for TENNA? You don't have a secret date inspiration corkboard behind your regular corkboard where you've been collecting magazine clippings and notes from everything he says?! You seriously don't have any ideas for just in case you're ever at the water cooler and he comes up and asks-" "I don't think anyone does that," you say. "Especially the corkboard thing." "Oh. Well. Uh. I mean, you SHOULD GET A CORKBOARD! {link to: 'abandon', label: 'NEXT QUESTION!"'}

tennaPoints: tennaPoints + 1 mikePoints: mikePoints + 1 -- Small Mike takes the paper from you, his fellow Mikes looking over his shoulder, and begins to read out loud. He gets about ten words in, to the part where you and Tenna get [CENSORED] and start [CENSORED] each other, and a blush so fierce you're a little surprised his head doesn't catch fire roars up his face. His fellow Mikes read a little further over his shoulder, and the same thing happens to both of them. It's... kinda cute, honestly. "WHOA HEY WHAT HEY WHAT THE HECK WHAT THE HEY WHAT-" he forces himself to stop babbling nonsense, though he's clearly still reading the essay. "WHOA! WHAT THE HECK IS THIS?! YOU THINK I NEEDED TO KNOW THAT?" You stifle a giggle. "WAIT, IS THAT EVEN A THING?! IS THAT PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE?" He puts his free hand to his brow in shock, and keeps reading. Ah, he must have reached the part where you [CENSORED] with the [CENSORED] on the [CENSORED]. You have to admit, that was maybe some of your best work. "Y'KNOW, THIS IS MEANT TO BE A FAMILY-FRIENDLY INTERROGATION!" he yelps as he reaches another juicy bit. "I DON'T NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO DO WITH- SERIOUSLY? WITH THAT?! HOW?!" He whirls around to his fellow Mikes. "YOU TWO! COVER YOUR EYES! COVER YOUR EARS! COVER YOUR EVERYTHING! THIS ONE CAN'T BE TRUSTED WITH A PEN!" "Can I have it back, if you hate it?" you ask, reaching your hand out. Small Mike clears his throat and tucks it into his jacket. "No. {link to: 'abandon', label: 'Next question!"'}

mikePoints: mikePoints + 2 -- Small Mike takes the paper from you, his fellow Mikes looking over his shoulder, and begins to read out loud. He doesn't get very far. "Then Tenna kisses- WHAT? WHAT?! HUH?????" There is a harsh rattling noise that reminds you of the time you accidentally vacuumed up glass, or of someone shaking dice in a cup, and he seems to lift off his feet for a second. He stumbles when he hits the ground again, Cowboy Mike grabbing his shoulders to stabilise him, and waves the paper wildly at you. "WHAT THE HECK IS THIS?" "What does it says, boss?" Cowboy Mike asks. "You think I'm reading THIS out loud?! YOU read it!" He shoves it into their hands, and then immediately seems to realise what he just did. "WAIT DON'T-" It's too late. Cowboy Mike and Cat Mike are already reading it, Cat Mike's faces and hand gestures making it clear what he thinks of it. Cowboy Mike is blushing hard. Small Mike covers his face with his hands for a moment, then turns to you. "What the HECK? Why did you write about Tenna- I- with me?! It's YOUR date!" ...Why *did* you write him into it? Did you {link to: 'hotmikeship', label: 'mean it?'} Or did you just {link to: 'hotforfun', label: 'think it was funny?'}

"HEY, HEY, HEY!" A voice booms out. "So you FINALLY got here!" You look wildly around, but the spotlight is blinding you. "I don't usually like folks loitering backstage after hours, but you're here for a reason, right?" "Uh," you say, "I'm here to meet Tenna?" "WRONG!" A small, {reveal link: 'round', text: 'round (not quite bouncy little pumpkin levels\, but getting there)'} man steps into view. Well... more like slides. "You're here... to meet {link to: 'Him.', label: 'ME!"'}

Tiny Adorable Pink Tenna toddles his way down the burning road again. "Hey," you say, "why is the world on fire exactly?" "Uh, because it's just like your LIFE?" Mike laughs at his own joke. "Seriously, though, this is the only one of these we have where you can't just... go look at cacti or pull up grass all day. And we're NOT standing here all night while YOU have cactus adventures! Okayyyy, how about next up, we have a fight?" "A *fight*?!" you echo in horror. "Yeah, I'll be beating you up, you'll see. Just wait until the next obstacle comes on screen, and-" The next obstacle comes on screen. It is the same hurricane with legs that you saw before. "Okay," Mike says, "I guess we're having [[another quiz]]! WHATEVER!"

The screen goes blue again. The question this time: **`WHAT IS TENNA THE KING OF?`** Behind Mike, another flash of {reveal link: 'white.', text: 'white- that\'s definitely a whiteboard. It has a "D" scrawled on it.'} A- [[TV WORLD]] B- [[MICROPHONES]] C- [[NOTHING]] D- [[ONLY]] [[hes the lord of screens]]

tennaPoints: tennaPoints + 0 -- "WRONG!" Mike's grin widens. "Wow, you're BAD at this!" "Like he doesn't rule over you," you say. "He's my BOSS! That's not the same as being a KING! That's for those losers over in the CARD KINGDOM!" He sounds... oddly fervent, on that last part. "And besides, if you're gonna date a guy who has a theme song, you should at least LISTEN TO IT!" The screen flickers slightly, then blooms back into what you realise is full colour- And then there's a yelp from above you, and [[a body crashes to the ground]].

creepPoints: creepPoints + 1 mikePoints: mikePoints + 1 -- "What?" Mike stares blankly at you, scratching his head. "Why would it be- are you even taking this seriously?" [if mikePoints > 2] You grin at him. "Come on, you know Tenna loves a good microphone! He has one in his hand every show! And there's no way he doesn't rule-" Mike flushes red. "SHUT UP!" [else] "Of course I'm taking it seriously!" you protest. You're definitely hitting a nerve here, though. [continue] "Unless," Mike says, looking at you suspiciously, "you know something. Do you know something about- uh- forget it, FORGET IT! I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING!" The screen flickers slightly, then blooms back into what you realise is full colour- And then there's a yelp from above you, and [[a body crashes to the ground]].

tennaPoints: tennaPoints -2 -- Mike takes a step back. "Hey! What? That's... come on, that's a jerk thing to say!" "You're the one who put it up there," you point out. "Only because we needed more possible answers!" he fires back, wringing his gloved hands. "I didn't think you were gonna PICK it, you jerk! What the heck?! What's WRONG with... This ain't a joke! Do you know how hurt Tenna would be if he saw that you picked that?!" [if tennaPoints < -2] You shrug. Mike looks at you, mouth wavering. "I dunno, kid, I think maybe we made a mistake bringing you here..." [if tennaPoints > -3] "You're right," you say. "I'm sorry. I'll take this more seriously now." "You better," Mike grumbles. "I'm doin' this for *him*, y'know." [continue] The screen flickers slightly, blooms back into what you realise is full colour- And then there's a yelp from above you, and [[a body crashes to the ground]].

tennaPoints: tennaPoints + 1 -- "Correct!" Mike says. "At least you watched the intro, I guess. Heh, you know I'm in there? I do some of the singing." "You actually sing?" you ask. "I kinda thought you just yelled." There's a noise from backstage. Sounds like someone stifled a laugh, maybe. "Huh? I'm Motormouth Mike, of course I sing, what are you talking about? I'm practically FAMOUS for it, in certain specific circles, like TV World and probably other places!" "Could you sing now?" "NOPE! Not for YOU! I only sing for people who DESERVE it!" As you roll your eyes, the screen flickers slightly, blooms back into what you realise is full colour- And then there's a yelp from above you, and [[a body crashes to the ground]].

creepPoints: creepPoints + 2 -- "WRO- wait." Mike looks up at the screen, smile fading. "Wait... what? I- I didn't put that answer there. Who the hell put that there?! Did one of you BOZOS write that?" Silence rings from the rafters. Silence rings from your ribcage. "Seriously," Mike says, suddenly sounding... not like Mike. "What the HECK does that mean? I... it makes me feel... weird." The screen flickers slightly, blooms back into what you realise is full colour- Then there's a yelp from above you, and [[a body crashes to the ground]].

You scream. Mike screams. Something backstage goes "!!" The body is ominously silent. "Oh my god!" Mike yelps, sprinting towards it and kneeling down. "Are you okay?! Hey, c'mon, speak to me!" The body groans. "Boss? What happened?" "YOU FELL OUT OF THE CEILING, YA IDIOT!" Now that the person on the floor is confirmed alive, Mike seems to have given up on the idea of concern. "Oh yeahs," the person says, sitting up. Now that they're somewhat vertical you can see that they also... seem to be a microphone? They're taller than Mike, dressed like someone forced a cowboy to hang up the spurs and become a radio announcer for boxing matches. "I only gots one foot, boss. If that slips I'm done for." "Then what were you DOING up there?!" "You's wanted someone to fix the lights." The person rubs their head. With their bright red boxing gloves. "Ow." "Yeesh, just a second..." Mike dashes offstage and returns with what seems to be a very dusty cold pack from a forgotten first aid kit. "There. Put that on your stupid head," he says, while cracking it and holding it to their head himself. They lean into it. "So, uh..." you say, as delicately as you can. "Sorry to interrupt, but... [[who are you]]?"

[if tennaPoints > 0] "I don't know," you say quietly. "I don't know what I was thinking. I just wrote the first thing that came to mind." [else] "It's my essay," you say blithely. "You know, the one you asked me to write." [continue] "What the HELL is this?!" he repeats, louder. "Okay. Okay! We're- SOMEONE TURN THAT DAMN MUSIC OFF!" Cat Mike sprints backstage for a few seconds, and the stage goes silent. Small Mike gives him a distracted nod as he returns to lean on Cowboy Mike. "Okay," Small Mike continues, taking a deep breath. "We're done here. We are DONE here. This? Is OVER. I didn't LIKE the idea of you and Tenna before now, but, y'know, I was willing to give ya a chance. Give you a shot at proving you weren't gonna hurt him. And now? Now I've read this?" He shakes the paper at you. "Now you're dangerous. You *are* gonna hurt him. You're gonna hurt him and you're gonna enjoy it, and there is no way in *hell* I'm letting you do that to my boss. No more silly games. [[Get the hell out]]."

[if tennaPoints > 0] "...Yeah, that's fair," you mumble. "I'm sorry." "I don't care if you're sorry," Small Mike says. "Guys!" [else] "Aw, come on," you protest. "Don't say that like you said something MILDLY OUT OF POCKET! Guys!" Small Mike barks. [continue] Cat Mike and Cowboy Mike leave their places behind him and move towards you. "We're going to watch you until you leave the premises," Small Mike says, "and then you are *not* coming back here. I'm notifying security that you're banned for posing a threat to Tenna." [if creepPoints > 7] "I don't know why you're so upset," you say. "You don't know why I'm- you know what? *Fuck* you. YEAH, I SAID IT! AND I DIDN'T EVEN BLEEP IT!" [continue] Cowboy Mike places their hand on your shoulder, pressing down hard in lieu of actually being able to grip it. "Pluey, could yous go unlocks the door?" Cat Mike nods and runs into the wings, back the way you came in. "I love Tenna *way* too much to let you hurt him or the people he loves," Small Mike says. "I won't allow it." He turns his attention to the screen, mumbling to himself. As Cowboy Mike leads you away, though, he looks back again. {link to: 'kicked out', label: '"Hey\, kid?"'}

creepPoints: creepPoints -5 -- You look at him. Even though he doesn't have visible eyes, his gaze burns into you. "If we ever see you around Tenna again? We kill you. Now get the hell out of my sight." Cowboy Mike marches you back through the hallways and out to the car park, their hands always just behind your head as a reminder that they can punch. You try to speak to them a couple of times, but they don't answer. Once you're outside the studio gates, they close and lock them, and you're left alone. GAME OVER ...It seems that didn't go well. Maybe you should {link to: 'topic', label: 'try that essay thing again?'}

tennaPoints: tennaPoints + 1 -- Small Mike takes the paper from you, his fellow Mikes looking over his shoulder, and begins to read out loud. He doesn't need to read very long, because your answer is only two sentences. "Haha! Yeah, okay, that's a pretty good one," he says. "Do I get points for it?" you ask. "You get... one point," he says. "Me and Tenna watched that movie together..." It seems like a fond memory. Small Mike gestures to the board again. "Okay! Are you ready for... {link to: 'abandon', label: 'the penultimate question?"'}

"Oh yeahs," the person says. "Boss, could you's help me up?" Mike shoves the cold pack under the person's hat, and helps them up. This seems to involve a lot of complaining about being crushed. Standing, they're close to twice Mike's height, with the most angular shoulder pads you've ever seen under their *very* uncomfortable-looking suit, and a permanent lean forward. "Nice to meet ya," they say. "Uh. It's me. I'm... Motion. Mouth. Uh, Mike. Dat's me. I groans. And I talks a lot." Mike presses his hands together and draws in a deep, deep breath. "First of all," he says, sounding like he's trying very hard to keep his cool, "it's *Motormouth*, and second of all..." He suddenly bursts into wild motion, grabbing New Taller Mike roughly at thigh height and gesticulating at you. "DON'T FREAKING SAY THAT TO PEOPLE WHEN I'M STILL IN THE ROOM!!!!! THE POINT! OF THIS! IS I LEAVE! AND *THEN* YOU TAKE OVER!" "Oh. Right. Okay." New Taller Mike pauses. "So are you's gonna-" "NO I'm not gonna LEAVE! Ugh, I can't BELIEVE this..." Original Flavour Mike rubs his hands over his face, then startles as he catches you watching him expectantly. "Fine. I guess I'll tell you [[the truth]]."

"Truth is, kid," Original Mike says, "this job is... a lot of work. A LOT of work. You have any idea how much STUFF Tenna expects me to do every day?! It's NUTS! I get ONE HOUR of sleep most nights and I STILL can't do it all! So I hired this guy as my assistant, and they're the other Mike, and there's two of us. Only two." New Taller Mike gives Original Mike what seems to be a look of pure betrayal. "Boss? Did you's fire the other guy? He ain't done nothing wrong!" "WHAT other guy?!" Original Mike snaps. "There ain't no other guy!" "Yeah theres is!" They point backstage. "He's right-" "OH LOOK AT THAT IT'S TIME FOR [[ANOTHER QUESTION]]!"

Another question comes up on the screen. **`HOW DOES TENNA LIKE TO BE MASSAGED?`** You stare at Original Mike. New Tall Mike stares at Original Mike. The curtains twitch. "What? WHAT?!" He tugs at his collar. "If you're gonna date Tenna, this is the kinda stuff you need to know! Else what are you gonna do when he comes home all tense from a long hard day of filming?!" You look at the space behind Original Mike where the whiteboard appeared, silently willing it to give you a hint towards this absolutely *bonkers* question. The whiteboard does not appear. Instead, a black-cat-looking guy with {reveal link: 'pink and yellow eyes', text: 'pink and yellow eyes (is this the guy who chased you onto the stage? But then... where are his teeth?)'}, microphones for paws and a confused frown sticks most of his body out from behind the curtain and gives you a very expressive shrug. "Oh hey," New Tall Mike says, waving at him. "You's didn't get fired!" The cat guy beams and waves back, then darts back behind the curtain as Original Mike turns around to look. Okay. Okay. Time for the question. Surely the answers [[will be sane]].

"HOW DOES TENNA LIKE TO BE MASSAGED?" A- [[HARD AND FAST]] B- [[SOFT AND TENDER]] C- [[THOROUGHLY]] D- [[BY MIKE]] Ah. The answers are not sane. Still, you have to choose one.

tennaPoints: tennaPoints + 1 -- "Correct!" Original Mike says. "But, y'know, not always. It depends on his mood. He's a complex guy! Sometimes he's feeling sensitive!" "So," you say, leaning over your podium. "Are all of the questions going to be about getting my hands on Tenna's body now? I mean, I know that's the reason we're *here*, but.." "NOPE! No, no, no way! Y-you WISH!" Original Mike looks hurriedly up at the screen. "Okay, how's about we have some [[combat]] now?"

tennaPoints: tennaPoints + 1 -- "Correct!" Original Mike says. "But, y'know, not always. It depends on his mood. He's a complex guy! Sometimes he wants something strenuous!" "So," you say, leaning over your podium. "Are all of the questions going to be about getting my hands on Tenna's body now? I mean, I know that's the reason we're *here*, but.." "NOPE! No, no, no way! Y-you WISH!" Original Mike looks hurriedly up at the screen. "Okay, how's about we have some [[combat]] now?"

tennaPoints: tennaPoints + 1 -- "Correct!" Original Mike says. "But, y'know, not always. It... wait, hold on. WHY ARE ALL OF THESE ANSWERS RIGHT?!" "I dunno, boss," New Tall Mike says. "You's the one who put this question together. We's didn't wanna touch it." "So," you say, leaning over your podium. "Are all of the questions going to be about getting my hands on Tenna's body now? I mean, I know that's the reason we're *here*, but.." "NOPE! No, no, no way! Y-you WISH!" Original Mike looks hurriedly up at the screen. "Okay, how's about we have some [[combat]] now?"

tennaPoints: tennaPoints + 1 mikePoints: mikePoints + 2 -- Another green circle happily dings next to your answer. Original Mike flushes scarlet. [if mikePoints > 3] Wow. *Wow*. He *really*, actually, for real, has a thing for Tenna, doesn't he? If you're wanting to date the hot TV man yourself, this might be your sign to lock the hell in. Or... you could have a little fun with it. [continue] "Boss..." New Tall Mike says. "WHAT? I mean, it's CORRECT!" Original Mike says. "What, you think THIS loser could do any better? NO WAY! My antenna massages can't be beat! Tenna said so himself!" "So," you say, leaning over your podium. "Are all of the questions going to be about you putting your hands on Tenna's body now?" "No! Of course not, I don't know what you're even talking about!" Original Mike looks hurriedly up at the screen. "Okay, how's about we have some [[combat]] now?"

Tiny Adorable Pink {reveal link: 'Tenna', text: 'Tenna (god\, you just want to squish his adorable little face)'} continues his journey. Straight at another quiz. "OKAY, OKAY, TIME OUT!" Original Mike yells to someone offstage. "I said COMBAT! What's the big idea?!" The screen blanks out, and text appears. **`REALLY NOT FEELING IT TONIGHT, SORRY`** "What do you MEAN you're not feeling it?! We TALKED about this!" "It's because you's fired him, boss," New Tall Mike says. "Right, buddy?" **`A LITTLE BIT :-(`** "Wh- I didn't even fire ya!" Original Mike snaps. "Ugh, okay, FINE, whatever! WHATEVER, we'll just PLAY ALL OUR CARDS AT ONCE. Get the hell out here!" **`:-)`** [[The curtains twitch open.]]

mikePoints: mikePoints + 1 -- Small Mike takes the paper from you, his fellow Mikes looking over his shoulder, and begins to read out loud. He doesn't get very far. "Wh-HUH? I'm on the- why am *I* on the date?! I ain't reading this out loud, NO WAY!" "Aw, boss," Cowboy Mike says reprovingly. "How's we supposed to knows what it says?" "YOU FREAKING READ IT!" He shoves it into their hands, face blazing red. "Wait no-" It's too late. Cowboy Mike and Cat Mike are already reading it, Cat Mike's faces and hand gestures making it clear what he thinks of it. "UGH! Why the heck am I on this date?" Small Mike asks you. "It's YOUR date with Tenna! Why did you write ME into it?!" ...Why *did* you write him into it? Did you {link to: 'mikeship', label: 'mean it?'} Or did you just {link to: 'justforfun', label: 'think it was funny?'}

mikePoints: mikePoints + 1 -- "You never said it was *my* date with Tenna," you say. "You asked me to write about *Tenna's* perfect date." [if mikePoints > 8] Small Mike gestures like he's about to yell at you, but instead... there's a noise that reminds you of the time you accidentally vacuumed up glass, and he seems to lift off his feet for a second. Cowboy and Cat Mike watch him with interest until he comes back down, hanging his head and resting his hands on his knees. "Whoa..." "Are you okay?!" You ask. "What happened?" "NOTHING! Nothing happened. It's okay." He stands up straight and adjusts his tie. "Anyway..." [continue] "THIS is Tenna's perfect date to you?! With ME?!" "Dis is real cute, boss," Cowboy Mike says. "My's favourite part's when you-" "SHUT UP! I DON'T WANNA HEAR WHAT *YOU* THINK!" Small Mike looks at you. "Haha, god, you're so stupid! He wouldn't ever- I mean, I don't wanna be on the date with him! I'd hate that! It'd be terrible!" "Would it?" you ask. You see Cat Mike taking the paper away from Cowboy Mike and... disappearing it somewhere. "YES IT WOULD SHUT UP {link to: 'abandon', label: 'NEXT QUESTION"'}

mikeSad: true -- "I dunno," you say. "I thought it'd be funny to write about." "...Yeah," Small Mike says. "Of course. Haha! Hahaha! It IS funny, isn't it?" "Yeah!" you say, laughing yourself. "It's so funny! Because he'd never ask me on a date!" Cowboy Mike puts their hand on Small Mike's shoulder. "Boss-" "And I'd never accept!" Small Mike continues. "It's HILARIOUS!" Cat Mike takes the paper from Cowboy Mike's free hand, folds it up, and... disappears it, somehow. He's cringing. "Imagine, Tenna asking ME on a DATE! Imagine us going out for dinner together! On a real date!" Small Mike laughs for just a little too long, slapping his {reveal link: 'knee', text: 'knee\, much like Tenna does\,'} to show how funny he thinks it is. "Boss," Cowboy Mike says gently. "Da next question?" "Right! Yeah! The next question!" Small Mike gestures to the board. "Okay. Are you ready for {link to: 'abandon', label: 'the penultimate question?"'} [if creepPoints < 3] ...You feel kind of bad.

He's about half your height, with a perfectly spherical eyeless head, hair combed desperately over, mouth stretched in a wide grin. His black suit doesn't do anything to hide his {reveal link: 'width', text: 'width (though you suspect it isn\'t intended to\, which is kind of a refreshing novelty for someone who works in television)'}, and the huge red bowtie that stretches almost from shoulder to shoulder only accentuates it. His white gloves are roughly the same style as Tenna's, and the microphone he's holding has... a cute little smile on it? "That's right!" he says, even though you have yet to respond to him in any way. "It's me, the ONE AND ONLY Motormouth Mike! Tenna's assistant, confidante, right hand man, therapist, closest friend, aaaaaaaaand the only reason anything EVER gets done around here! All of that! And more! Just me, Mike!" "The guy I've been texting," you say. "And you tricked me to bring me here." "That's right! You've been getting pretty close to Tenna, kid, and-" "Not a kid," you interrupt. "It's a showbiz term, kid! Haven't you seen that one movie? {link to: 'explanation', label: 'Anyway...'}"

"You've been getting kinda close to Tenna, see? Been... worming your way into his life- and his HEART! And that's fine, I'm happy for him, except... Look, kid, I'm not gonna lie to you. Tenna can be a little... unstable. I love the guy, I really do, but he's kinda fragile. And when he falls for someone, he FALLS for someone. He falls real hard. Totally consumes him. All he can think about. It's nuts." "So... Tenna's falling for me, and you're here to tell me it's a bad idea?" "NOPE! Tenna likes you, and I'M here to make sure YOU'RE gonna be GOOD to him! Because if you break his heart, I'M never gonna hear the end of it, and EVERYONE ELSE is probably gonna get FIRED! You think I can take another sad movie marathon?! If I have to spend another EIGHT HOURS eating ice cream while he cries over lost love, my waistline will never forgive me!" He laughs at his own joke. "SO. There's a real strict vetting process, see? But, since this is for Tenna, we're gonna tailor it to him. You and me are gonna play a game, and if you do good enough, you get to go see Tenna. If you DON'T do good enough..." "You kill me?" you guess. "HA! You wish. Nah, I just block your number and tell Tenna you moved to the Card Kingdom. They like losers over there." "So... [[what kind of game]]?"

"What else? A game SHOW! In that CLASSIC TV TIME FORMAT!" Mike points dramatically, and a podium slams down on the floor in front of you. Behind you, the big screen that all of Tenna's games are played on flickers into life. Nothing else happens. "So, uh... no music? Or lighting effects or confetti or anything?" "Hey, hey, this show's STRICTLY budgeted! What, do you want me to EMBEZZLE so I can give you stuff that you probably don't even DESERVE? If you win, you can have confetti." "Fair," you say. "Do I have to spend this whole time turning around and looking at the board? It's gonna hurt my neck." Mike scoffs. You have a feeling he would be rolling his eyes, if he had them. {link to: 'smallscreen', label: '"Look down\, ya moron!"'}

mikePoints: mikePoints + 1 -- "You never said it was *my* date with Tenna," you say. "You asked me to write about *Tenna's* perfect date." Small Mike's mouth hangs open. "And you think... it would be THIS?! Tenna and me and... ALL OF THAT?" "Dis is a little spicy, boss," Cowboy Mike says, "but it's real sweet. Did yous see the part where Tenna-" "YES, I saw ALL of the parts, GIVE ME THAT THING SO I CAN BURN IT!" Cat Mike gently takes it out of Cowboy Mike's hand, folds it up, and disappears it somewhere. "HEY!" "Yous'll want it later, boss," Cowboy Mike says. "I will not! Tenna wouldn't do any of that! He's not into- look, he just wouldn't!" You don't say anything. He seems to be working himself up well enough for you not to need to make a point. "OKAY! EVERYONE SHUT THE HECK UP!" Small Mike yells, even though nobody is talking. "It's time for... {link to: 'abandon', label: 'the penultimate question!"'}

mikeSad: true -- "I dunno," you say. "I thought it'd be funny to write about." "...Yeah," Small Mike says. "Of course. Haha! Hahaha! It IS funny, isn't it?" "Yeah!" you say, laughing yourself. "It's so funny! Because! Because he'd NEVER do that! He'd never WANT to!" Cowboy Mike puts their hand on Small Mike's shoulder. "Boss-" "He- he'd never do any of that stuff with me," Small Mike continues. "It's HILARIOUS!" Cat Mike takes the paper from Cowboy Mike's free hand, folds it up, and... disappears it, somehow. He's cringing. "Imagine, Tenna holding me! Or kissing me! Like- like he loved me or something!" Small Mike laughs for just a little too long, slapping his {reveal link: 'knee', text: 'knee\, much like Tenna does\,'} to show how funny he thinks it is. "Boss," Cowboy Mike says gently. "Da next question?" "Right! Yeah! The next question!" Small Mike gestures to the board, smile widening. And wobbling. "Okay!!!! Are you ready for... {link to: 'abandon', label: 'the penultimate question????"'} [if creepPoints < 3] ...You feel bad.

The cat-looking guy from earlier bounds out on all fours and licks Original Mike on the cheek before standing up and hugging New Tall Mike, who bonks their head against his. Original Mike elbows him, possibly affectionately. "There. Ya happy now?" Cat Guy nods and does a completely silent little happy dance. "So this is the third Mike," Original Mike says. "He don't talk, you're lucky to see him write, and if you give him any crap about that, I kick you out. Understood?" "Understood," you say. "So... what do I call him?" "Mike," Original Mike says. "Like the rest of us." "Usually we's calls each other Small Mike, Cat Mike and Cowboy Mike," Apparently-Cowboy-Mike says, gesturing to each of them in turn. "When we's gotta makes internal memos and such." "Oof," you say to Small Mike. "Your whole identity is being the [[short guy?"]]

Cat Mike looks like he's laughing at that. Cowboy Mike covers part of what you assume is their face with their hand. "My whole IDENTITY is being MIKE," Small Mike says. "It's just that's a lot sometimes, so I have assistants." "This actually explains a lot," you say. "Were all three of you texting me? Because I kind of wondered why sometimes Mike texted like he had boxing gloves on." Small Mike whirls around. "YOU DIDN'T TAKE THE GLOVES OFF?" "They's part of my costume, boss!" "And you're the one who just replied in emoticons, right?" You ask Cat Mike, who nods. "Oh my god," Small Mike says. "You're both USELESS. So combat's out of the window? You're still not feeling it?" Cat Mike shakes his head sadly, letting go of Cowboy Mike enough to rub his chin across Small Mike's head. "It's nicer when we's all out here together anyways, boss," Cowboy Mike says. "We don'ts usually gets to do this." "Yeah, that's true," Small Mike admits, petting Cat Mike's head. "We can't really be together around Tenna. Fine. We can just do [[quizzes this time."]]

"Oh thank god," you say. "I really don't know how to fight." "We woulda given you a tutorial," Small Mike says. "I'm not THAT much of a jerk. Anyway! Your next question!" **`WHAT IS THE NAME OF TENNA'S VIDEO GAME?`** A- [[DRAGON BLAZERS]] B- [[THE LEGEND OF TENNA]] C- [[GRAB THE MIC]] D- [[THIS STUPID GARBAGE I'M PLAYING]] [[its mantle]] You glance at Cat Mike and Cowboy Mike. Cat Mike has a 'B' written on his whiteboard, while Cowboy Mike appears to be trying to do the same thing with their hands.

creepPoints: creepPoints + 2 facedTruth: false -- "WRONG! It's- wait." Small Mike looks up at the board. "I didn't make that an answer... how- where did you hear that? How do you know that name?" Cat Mike, blank-faced and wide-eyed, tilts his head sloooooowly to the side. ...How *did* you know that name? Small Mike shuffles a little closer to Cowboy Mike. "Okay. Well. {link to: 'timeofyear', label: 'Next question."'}

tennaPoints: tennaPoints + 0 mikePoints: mikePoints + 1 facedTruth: true -- "WRONG!" Small Mike says. "Though... that IS the game that he used for inspiration for this whole thing. It was a real favourite of... some kids he knew. They used to spend hours and hours playing it, finding all the secrets." "I love that series," you say. "My favourite part is... god, is it Dragon Blazers 3? Where you sing to the Queen and it turns out that the whole island's just a dream she was having? I cried *so* hard." "The kids only ever gots to that part once," Cowboy Mike says. "After that, they turned it off every times." "Doesn't that mean they never got the true ending again?" you ask. "Because that part's *before* the real final boss. It doesn't let you into the last dungeon if you haven't {reveal link: 'faced the truth."', text: 'faced the truth." Out of the corner of your eye\, you see Small Mike flinch hard. Huh.'} Cowboy Mike shrugs. "I don't think they ever gots the true ending anyways. Not while- uh- never you's mind." "That's sad," you say. "The game even says you can't have a really happy ending without-" "Moving right along!" Small Mike interrupts firmly, mouth pressed into a thin line. ...What kind of nerve did you just *hit?* "It's time for the {link to: 'timeofyear', label: 'next question."'}

tennaPoints: tennaPoints + 1 facedTruth: false -- "Correct! God, Tenna's so proud of this stupid thing. He had SO many ideas for boards, every show we aired he'd be like "Mike, do you think we could adapt this into a game board?" There must be 50 of the damn things in storage. ...Most of them suck." "Why's this one so... linear?" you ask. "Like literally it's just in a straight line." "It's based on a game he saw," Small Mike says. "I think in the original game it's one of those things everyone cries over, but... look, kid, Tenna's great, okay? He's smart, he's funny, he's handsome, he's a great entertainer. But he does NOT understand stuff like this. He doesn't do great with stuff like *conflict* and *emotional intensity*." "Are you trying to warn me off him?" you ask. "What? No. Unless it's working?" He coughs. "Anyway. {link to: 'timeofyear', label: 'Next question."'}

mikePoints: mikePoints + 2 facedTruth: false -- Small Mike does a double take. "HUH? What even IS that?! Wait no don't tell me, I don't want to know!" "It's a party game," you say. "You get- "I SAID I don't want to know!" Small Mike snaps. "I'm not THINKING about it!" His voice drops to a mumble, the same way his head drops to be cradled in his hands. "Stop thinking about it, Mike. What the *heck* is wrong with you, stop *thinking* about it, you perv." Cat Mike, on all fours again, snuggles right into Small Mike's personal space and licks a stripe all the way up his head. "EW! WHAT THE HELL!" Small Mike flails at him. "What did you do that for! Gross!" "You's was kinda freaking out, boss," Cowboy Mike says. "And we's gotta get to the next question somehow." "Oh. Right. Yeah." Small Mike clears his throat and adjusts his tie. {link to: 'timeofyear', label: '"The next question."'}

tennaPoints: tennaPoints - 2 facedTruth: false -- "Hey!" Small Mike yells, sounding taken aback. "Why would you PICK that? That's the option I put there for stupid jerks to pick because I couldn't think of another one!" Cat Mike makes a very sad face at you. [if tennaPoints < -3] Small Mike rubs his face, his smile dropping. "I'm starting to wonder if you even LIKE Tenna... this was a mistake. If you're this mean ABOUT him, how mean are you gonna be to his face? He's so delicate..." You shrug. [continue] "You'd really hurt his feelings if he knew you picked that!" Small Mike gestures at the board. "Not to MENTION everyone ELSE'S hard work that went into this! I know this one kinda sucks, and most of the others also kinda suck, but we put a lot of love into them! And a lot of HOURS! A lot of OVERTIME! UNPAID!" "Tenna was real excited for them," Cowboy Mike says. "He's couldn't wait to shows them off." "Yeah! And you don't get to just CRAP all over that, see?!" Small Mike points at you. {link to: 'timeofyear', label: '"Next question!"'}

Tiny Adorable Pink {reveal link: 'Tenna', text: 'Tenna ("Hey\, do you sell merch of this guy? I *need* him." "Gift shop\'s on the way out, kid!")'} continues to bumble along. Wow, this board really *is* linear. You kind of wish the Mikes had picked a different one, but... you do have to admit you would have gone on a cactus adventure. You love cacti. **`WHO IS TENNA'S FAVOURITE AND MOST DEVOTED EMPLOYEE?`** Aaaaaand you're right back to bizarro insane questions. Awesome. Cat Mike and Cowboy Mike are giving Small Mike very exasperated looks about this one (well, as much as they can given Cowboy Mike's facial limitations). As they see you looking at them, Cat Mike raises a hand and points to Small Mike. Cowboy Mike inclines their head in the same direction. A- [[SMALL MIKE]] B- [[COWBOY MIKE]] C- [[CAT MIKE]] D- [[RAMB]]

tennaPoints: tennaPoints + 2 mikePoints: mikePoints + 2 -- "THAAAAAAT'S RIGHT!" Small Mike booms proudly. "It's ME, Small Mike! I'm always there for Tenna! And he's... I'm always there for him! Morning, noon, afternoon, evening, night, late night, really late night, right back into morning again! 24/7 rock-around-the-clock constant Mike! Right there, whenever he needs me!" "...Why?" you ask. "Huh?" He stares blankly at you. "Why are you always there for him?" "Uh, because he's my BOSS? Because he NEEDS ME?" Small Mike's grin takes on a nervous cast. "There's stuff that only Mike can do, y'know. You think anyone else would read his bedtime stories the way he likes? You think YOU could do that? Because you COULDN'T!" "Okay," you say, privately thinking that you probably wouldn't want to read bedtime stories to your boyfriend anyway. "YEAH!" Small Mike nods, like he's won this encounter. "Anyway, we're getting close to the end, so our next question's gonna be [[something a little different]]."

tennaPoints: tennaPoints + 1 -- "Aww," Cowboy Mike says, blushing. "Do you's really think so?" "NOPE!" Small Mike interrupts. "There's no WAY Cowboy Mike is Tenna's favourite! First of all, 'cause Mike ain't a cowboy! Mike's... ME! Motormouth Mike! With perfect diction and a winning smile!" "Hey, dat ain't fair..." Cowboy Mike droops a little. "It ain't my fault I talks like dis... or dat I ain't got a mouth..." Cat Mike strokes their face soothingly and shoots Small Mike a glare. "Uh... I... LOOK," Small Mike says, putting his hands up in front of him, "I KNOW that, but, but... you still gotta get the NAME right, Jongler! You're gonna get us found out if you keep getting the name wrong!" "I'm sure they're not *that* bad at it," you say. "NOT THAT BAD AT IT?" Small Mike turns back to face you, pulling a notebook out of his pocket. "Okay. OKAY. In the last WEEK, okay, the last WEEK, here's what they've called me: Motorboat Mike, Mouthwash Mike, Mumbling Mike, Matryoshka Mike, Mike With The Mouth Because He Uh I Mean I Talks A Lot, just straight up MOTORBIKE, Motion Mouth Mike, and, *my personal favourite*, MOTORMIKE MOUTH." "C'mon, boss," Cowboy Mike mumbles, "I gots all the words in that one. Just mixed 'em up." {link to: 'd-i-v-o-r-c-e', label: '"You\'re being kind of a bad partner\," you say.'}

tennaPoints: tennaPoints + 1 -- Cat Mike's ears prick up and he presses his microphone-hands to the sides of his face in joy. It's very cute. "NOPE!" Small Mike yells. "We've been over this! Cat Mike can't be Tenna's favourite because Mike! Ain't! A! Cat! Mike's... ME! Motormouth Mike! With perfect diction and a winning smile!" "Hey," Cowboy Mike says sharply, "dat ain't fair. You's know he can't talks, boss. It's ain't his fault, and you's promised you's wouldn't be mean about it." "I'm not being- I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT! Just... come on, you KNOW I didn't mean it like that! You know I didn't mean it like that, right?" Small Mike appeals to Cat Mike. Cat Mike gives Small Mike the hugest saddest puppy eyes you've ever seen in your life. "He's really cute, though," you say. "HE AIN'T THAT CUTE!" Small Mike snaps. "Sure, he's cute, but I'm- uh- Mike still ain't a cat!" Cat Mike curls further into Cowboy Mike's arms, projecting nothing but {reveal link: 'misery', text: 'misery, though you suspect it may be *slightly* exaggerated'}. {link to: 'd-i-v-o-r-c-e', label: '"You\'re being kind of a bad partner\," you say.'}

tennaPoints: tennaPoints - 0 -- "...Ramb?" Small Mike says, disbelievingly. "RAMB?! You think freakin' RAMB'S Tenna's favourite?!" "I dunno," you {reveal link: 'say', text: 'say\, having no idea who Ramb is'}. "Maybe." Cat Mike gives an exaggerated wince. "RAMB'S JUST THE BAR GUY! TENNA BARELY KNOWS HIM!" Oh, you're about to get a *rant*, aren't you? "Does *Ramb* spend every day at Tenna's beck and call? NO BECAUSE HE JUST SERVES DRINKS! He's not even allowed to handle the points! You have to get a slip from a vending machine before you can order!" "That seems a little unreasonable," you say. "Is-" "Does *Ramb* have his headset tuned to Tenna's frequency constantly? No! He doesn't even wear one! Does Ramb calm Tenna down from his meltdowns five times a day? No! He just says "bit rough today, innit, luv?" and keeps polishing the same stupid glass! Does Ramb dedicate ALL DAY EVERY DAY to making sure the shoots go well, even if that means he doesn't get a break for his WHOLE EIGHTEEN HOUR SHIFT? Heck, does Ramb even DO eighteen hour shifts?! NO! He won't work more than TWELVE!" [[Cowboy Mike and Cat Mike shift uncomfortably.]]

**`WHAT IS TENNA'S FAVOURITE TIME OF YEAR?`** Wow. It's actually a normal question, albeit a little... Mike's expecting you to know *a lot* about this guy you've been talking to for a length of time that can still be measured in *days*. You guess, given how protective of him they seem to be, that that's to be expected. God. You wonder how Tenna would react if he knew the three of them were doing this. Maybe you'll tell him... Cat Mike has written "C" on his whiteboard, and Cowboy Mike is pointing to it and nodding their head at you. A- [[SWEEPS WEEK]] B- [[KARAOKE NIGHT]] C- [[THE HOLIDAYS]] D- [[SUMMER VACATION]]

tennaPoints: tennaPoints - 1 -- "WRONG!" Small Mike says. "Yeesh, kid, sweeps week is the worst time of the whole YEAR! You know how hard it is to have your viewership evaluated when you're someone like *Tenna*? He's a MESS the whole time!" "We's gotta bribe him outta his office sometimes," Cowboy Mike adds. "He gets all... uh... dramatic. Like dis." They indicate Cat Mike, who obligingly performs an elaborate pantomime of wailing, gnashing his teeth and pulling his own ears, then pretending to faint into Cowboy Mike's arms. [if tennaPoints < 0] "Hey, don't give this jerk ideas for how to make fun of him!" Small Mike snaps. "Sorry, boss." "...It's okay. {link to: 'weirdomike', label: 'Let\'s just get to the next question."'} [else] Cowboy Mike hoists Cat Mike up bridal-style, blushing when they receive a kiss to the probably-cheek for their trouble. Small Mike laughs at them, seemingly against his own will. "He lets us in his liquor cabinet, though! We make plans for what we're gonna do when we all get kicked, like... y'know, join the circus and become famous rodeo clowns or something. Just silly stuff where it all turns out okay in the end. Usually makes him feel better." "That's actually really sweet," you say. "Yeah, yeah. {link to: 'weirdomike', label: 'Time for the next question."'}

tennaPoints: tennaPoints + 1 -- "Correct!" Small Mike says. "Tenna makes such a huge deal out of the holidays every year. We have to DECORATE, we have to eat these GODAWFUL festive TV dinners, we have like SIX company parties just so nobody misses out... And I have a hangover for the next MONTH! Hahaha!" "You go to all of the parties?" you ask. "Uh, of COURSE I do! What, you think it's a party without MIKE? Everyone LOVES me! If Mike didn't turn up to a party, Tenna would be DEVASTATED!" "No, I get that," you say. "I mean *you*. Small Mike. You're the one who goes to all of the parties?" "Oh. Yeah, I'm the only one who can stand being there that long." He shrugs. "J- Cowboy Mike gets... the sensory overwhelm thing after like an hour, and Cat Mike can only handle large crowds for so long. So it's just easier if I'm there from the start, that way we don't get to a point where we have to switch or have a meltdown in front of the *mean* water cooler." "She's real scary," Cowboy Mike agrees, letting Cat Mike jump into their arms and hide his face, apparently from the mention of the scary {reveal link: 'water cooler.', text: 'water cooler (there is no way a water cooler is actually scary\, but whatever).'} "Plus, we's can't sing." "Do you *like* going to all six of the parties?" you ask Small Mike. "SURE I DO," he says, sounding much too enthusiastic for you to actually believe him. "Mike's the life of the party! It ain't a party until ol' Motormouth shows up and hits the stage! Cause I sing at them, too! Sometimes Tenna just... CANCELS THE ENTERTAINMENT, that I PLANNED, and SPENT MONEY ON, because he wants ME to do it, which is FINE! Because MIKE LOVES PARTIES! Real party animal here!" "It sounds exhausting to me," you say. "Well it ISN'T!" Small Mike insists, looking exhausted just thinking about it. "It's GREAT! {link to: 'weirdomike', label: 'Next question!"'}

mikePoints: mikePoints + 2 -- There is a deep, humming silence, the feedback noise of a microphone with a loose connection. Small Mike, for once, doesn't seem to have a comeback to your answer. You look up from your podium, and realise that all three of the Mikes are staring into the middle distance and blushing red. Oh. Oh, they're *all* thinking about it. You laugh, and that seems to break the spell. Small Mike flails hard enough that Cat Mike startles and leaps into Cowboy Mike's arms. "What? WHAT?! What are you LAUGHING at?!" Small Mike snaps. "Nothing!" you say. "Just, you guys really seem to like that idea. Of Tenna liking karaoke." "Tenna *does* likes to sing," Cowboy Mike says. "Maybe we's should invite him to the karaoke bar sometimes." "How are ALL THREE OF US supposed to go, bozo?" Small Mike asks. "He thinks there's only ONE!" "Oh. Yeahs." Cowboy Mike considers this. "Maybe *you's* should-" "Okay okay okay okay shut up {link to: 'weirdomike', label: 'next question!"'}

tennaPoints: tennaPoints + 0 -- "Wrong!" Small Mike says. "You'd THINK that, since none of the kids are in school, but that really only lasts for... usually about a week. After that, their parents get SICK OF THEM and make them go play OUTSIDE all day! Or, worse, they have to go to SUMMER CAMP where there's no TV at all! They just... I dunno what they do, actually, I've never been to summer camp. I was meant to one year, but that was the year I got... uh, left behind." "I think they's makes friendship bracelets, boss," Cowboy Mike says. "And, uh, ziplines." Cat Mike, taking a different tack, decides to make an axe-chopping motion. Small Mike stares at him. "What, like they... chop wood? For campfires?" Cat Mike shakes his head and holds a paw up to call for attention. From there, he pantomimes screaming, running and then, very dramatically, dying from being chopped by an axe and falling into Cowboy Mike's arms. Cowboy Mike hoists him up like they're carrying his body into the sunset, blushing when they receive a kiss on the presumably-cheek for their trouble. "Oh, right," Small Mike says. "The serial killers. Yeah, they make friendship bracelets and sometimes they all get killed by murderers. So I have no idea why their parents want them THERE instead of safe at home watching TV. But summer vacation sucks." "I wish *I* had all that time off work," you say. "Pfft, don't we all, kid. Anyway, {link to: 'weirdomike', label: 'next question."'}

[if tennaPoints < -4] "Actually," Small Mike says, "I don't think you need a penultimate question. I already know how this is gonna go. {link to: 'your final score.', label: 'TO THE RESULTS BOARD!"'} [else] For apparently the almost-last time, text comes up on the screen. **`WILL YOU EVER ABANDON TENNA?`** "Abandon?" you say. "What does that mean, exactly?" "Tenna's been through enough, okay?" Small Mike sighs. "He's had... relationships where people have just *ditched* him. He doesn't do great when people do that. And then he gets really really sad, and he takes it out on everyone else, and we all almost lose everything. Again. So... answer the question." A- [[NO NEVER EVER EVER]] B- [[YES AT THE FIRST OPPORTUNITY]] C- [[DEPENDS ON HIS BEHAVIOUR]] [["...Will you?"]]

tennaPoints: tennaPoints +2 -- "I'm in this forever," you say. "I promise." Small Mike nods slowly. "Well... that makes two of us. Four of us?" "We's staying as long as you's staying, boss," Cowboy Mike says. Cat Mike nods. "Good. Okay. Time for the [[last question.]]"

tennaPoints: tennaPoints -5 -- "WHAT?!" Small Mike glares at you. "After you did this whole thing? This whole thing where you said you wanted to date Tenna? All of that, just to say you're gonna ditch him when you can? What is WRONG WITH YOU? GOD! Why would you break his heart like that? He's- you can't- okay, Mike, calm down, calm down..." You go to say something, but he puts a finger to his lips and your voice just... stops. "OH NO! You think you get to say something now? NOPE! You don't even get the last question! {link to: 'Z Rank', label: 'I know what your score is! Look at the board!"'}

tennaPoints: tennaPoints + 1 -- "Look," you say. "I'm not going to stay in a bad relationship just because I don't want to 'abandon' Tenna. That's how you end up with the really *bitter* divorces. Isn't it better if we break up and stay friends, instead of just... growing to hate each other?" "Well," Small Mike says reluctantly, "I guess that's fair. I know Tenna has issues with bitter divorces. But promise you'll stay friends with him?" "Assuming he doesn't do anything really bad?" you say. "I promise." "Good. I'm still not giving you credit for it. Okay. Time for the [[last question.]]"

The board reads **`DO YOU LOVE TV?`** But that isn't what is *said*. Instead... Small Mike asks, in an almost hesitant voice, "...Do you love him?" You consider it, take a deep breath, and say: [["Yes."]] [["No."]] [["I don't know yet."]] [if mikePoints > 7] [[The other thing.]]

tennaPoints: tennaPoints + 2 -- "Okay," Small Mike says. "Okay. Let's... finish the challenge. {link to: 'your final score.', label: 'We\'re done now."'}

tennaPoints: 0 -- "No? NO? WHADDAYA MEAN, NO???" Small Mike goes red with anger. "THEN WHAT WAS THE POINT OF ALL OF THIS? WHAT DID WE EVEN BRING YOU HERE FOR?!" You go to say something, but he puts a finger to his lips and your voice just... goes silent. "Don't care, didn't ask, let's just {link to: 'your final score.', label: 'finish this already."'}

mikePoints: mikePoints + 1 -- "Mike," you say. "Mike." "WHAT?" Small Mike gives you an expectant look. "Answer the question!" "Mike," you say again. "Just tell him how you feel." Small Mike freezes. His face goes a paler shade of grey. "Haha... what? What are you talking about?" "You know what I'm talking about," you say. "Just tell Tenna how you feel about him." "I don't feel ANY way about him!" His grin widens manically, even as he takes a step back. "HA, you really think I have FEELINGS for TENNA? Romantic ones? He's my BOSS! My boss who gives me WAY TOO MUCH WORK!" "We just literally did a whole game show where you tried to keep Tenna for yourself," you point out. "It's okay. And... you know, you're 90% of what he talks about. Mike said this, Mike did that. I think he could love you too." "Maybe... Maybe it'd be okay, boss," Cowboy Mike says. "You's could tell him." Reaching up, Small Mike pulls his own head off. [["How can I?"]]

Small Mike gestures to the board, which continues to not display any special effects. Instead, numbers tick up and down and up again, looking like they're pretending to make sense, until a final rank is displayed on the screen. [if tennaPoints > 13] {link to: 'S Rank', label: 'You got...'} [if tennaPoints < 14 && tennaPoints > 8] {link to: 'A Rank', label: 'You got...'} [if tennaPoints < 9 && tennaPoints > 1] {link to: 'B Rank', label: 'You got...'} [if tennaPoints < 2 && tennaPoints > -4] {link to: 'C Rank', label: 'You got...'} [if tennaPoints < -3] {link to: 'Z Rank', label: 'You got...'}

**`S RANK`** Small Mike spins to look at it. "What? You got S-RANK? HOW? That's not- not even *I*-" You do a little fist-pump. "Yessssss!" "I mean, WOW!" He changes tack immediately. "Haha! Looks like- looks like you're perfect for him! Looks like you're gonna make him happier than anyone else can! Including ME! That's... great!" "Boss," Cowboy Mike says. "Boss, it's okay." "I know it's okay!" Small Mike grins at them. "It's more than okay! It's great! I don't- I don't have to keep up this stupid charade anymore! I can quit my terrible job and finally live my life! My real life! I can go on vacation! I could hit the beach! I could hit the casino! I could-" [[Tenna's voice echoes down the hall.]]

**`A RANK`** "Hey, not bad!" Small Mike says. Cat Mike produces a party blower from... somewhere, and blows you a little papery fanfare. Cowboy Mike throws a handful of {reveal link: 'confetti', text: 'confetti (wait, this is just torn up notepaper!)'} over your head. "Did I... win?" you ask. "You didn't LOSE," Small Mike says. "I think you'd be... pretty good for Tenna. Maybe. I'm still gonna WATCH you, and you better not HURT him, but... I guess you have my blessing, or... whatever." You do a little fist-pump. "Yessssss! Hell yeah! Thanks, man. So now-" "OH MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE!" Tenna's voice echoes down the hall. "Wait," you say, "he was actually *here* the whole time?! [[I thought you guys just lied to me."]]

**`B RANK`** "Huh," Small Mike says, "that's better than I thought." Cowboy Mike throws a handful of {reveal link: 'confetti', text: 'confetti (wait, this is just torn up notepaper!)'} over your head. "Did I win?" you ask. "You didn't LOSE," Small Mike says. "I think... Look, I don't know how this is going to end. But I'm willing to let you give it a shot. Just... *promise me* that you'll at least talk it out if you dump him." "I promise," you say. "So now what?" "OH MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE!" Tenna's voice echoes down the hall. You double-take. [["He's actually here?"]]

**`C RANK`** "Yeah, that's about what I thought," Small Mike says. "Is that bad?" you ask. "It's about what I thought," he repeats. "This whole thing with you and Tenna ain't gonna work. You can't handle him. You're gonna break his heart." "You don't *know* that!" you protest. "I freakin' do! I did this whole stupid QUIZ to find that out! You had two guys GIVING YOU THE ANSWERS and you still did this bad!" Small Mike looks at his two partners. "YEAH, I saw you doing that! So this just... isn't gonna work out. At all. And I think you should leave." "So am I banned from dating Tenna?" "If it were up to me? Yeah, you'd be banned from dating Tenna. But like these guys have told me, I can't actually stop you. He's a grown man. So you can do whatever you want, and I'll be here waiting to pick up the pieces. *Again.* Because there's only one way this is gonna end." Small Mike looks back towards the dressing rooms. "I need to go see Tenna. The guys will walk you out." You snag a script off a director's chair on the way out. *You got TOMORROW'S SCRIPT.* {reveal link: 'Inspect it?', text: 'Ooh, spoilers! This is juicy.'} You head home {link to: 'Epilogue C', label: 'determined to prove Mike wrong.'}

**`Z RANK`** "Damn," Small Mike says. "You somehow did WORSE than I thought." "Yikes," you say. "Guessing I didn't win." "HELL NO you didn't WIN! You! Are *bad* for Tenna! Like, ACTIVELY! In fact, I think you'd TRY to hurt him!" Small Mike holds up his phone dramatically. "So, see this? HERE'S your number! And here's your number getting BLOCKED!!" There is, of course, no super cool explosion sound effect when a number is blocked on a phone, so he makes one himself. "Well," you say, "what am I supposed to say to Tenna when I see him again?" "Oh, you're NOT going to see him again!" Small Mike points at you. "I'll make SURE of it!" "...Wait, are you actually going to kill me?" "What? No, I'm just going to tell him you watch internet videos and you said his nose was small." "Oh." That's... kind of worse, actually. "ANYWAY! Guys, let's get our GUEST out of here before Tenna comes looking for us." The Mikes march you out of the building, through the parking lot, and throw you unceremoniously to the ground outside the gates. *You got the MOUTHFUL OF GRAVEL!* {reveal link: 'Inspect it?', text: 'Ow.'} You pick yourself up, and {link to: 'Epilogue Z', label: 'head home to reevaluate some things.'}

"Yeah. It does. He has no idea who I am. I mean, I'm *Mike*, but he doesn't know... about any of this. I don't know if he even thinks Mike has *feelings* at all, or if he thinks Mike is just... the guy who's always there for him. Guy who just lives for him. Though... at this point, I guess that *is* me, isn't it?" "You could... quit being Mike and make friends with Tenna as yourself?" you suggest. "If I did that, we'd all have to quit. There *has* to be a Mike that talks, and that's me. Nobody is going to be that but me. And even if Mike disappearing into thin air again wouldn't kill Tenna, which it *would*, I don't want to do that. I really like being Mike. It's stupid, but it feels... right? The body, the voice, the confidence. It just feels like *me*. Like the person I want to be." Cat Mike makes eye contact with you, nods in agreement, and points to himself. You guess it must be how he feels, too. "Plus, I don't know if you've heard Tenna talk about the Pippins before, but he's not... the biggest fan of them. Us. I don't think he'd want to be friends with some random little Pippins who doesn't even look the same as all the others, never mind... you know. Anything more than friends." "I don't thinks he hates the Pippinses, boss," Cowboy Mike says. "They's just... they do what they wants. And he don't like dat." [[You are DEFINITELY dodging a bullet here.]]

"Do you really mean it?" Small Mike asks his partners, specifically Cat Mike. "You too?" Cat Mike nods, attempting to pantomime something before giving up and writing on his whiteboard, **HE'S ALWAYS NICE WHEN HE'S PETTING ME. ALSO NICE ASS.** "It *is* nice, isn't it..." Small Mike trails off into a few seconds of what you can only assume is ass fantasyland. "It's real nice," Cowboy Mike agrees. "You can be the, uh, main dater. I knows that's what you want. We'll just... be there. To look at his ass." "You guys realise this is gonna mean we don't have as much time for each other?" Small Mike says, not even trying to deny wanting to be 'the main dater'. "I mean, assuming he even says yes. He probably won't say yes." "I understands that," Cowboy Mike says. "Tenna's clingy. But we's can be together in pairs. And as long as we get *some* times, we'll be okay." "And I bet he says yes," you say. "Seriously, he talks about Mike *so much*. It's barely even going to be a leap to dating you." "Yeah," Small Mike says softly. "It's not like the three of us see each other all day every day anyway, right? This could really work." [[Cat Mike rolls over onto the floor, and stands up.]]

You sit down next to Small Mike on the stage. "Can I say something you won't like?" "This whole night's been you saying things I don't like," he shoots back. "But go on." "We were talking about Dragon Blazers earlier, right? About... finding the true ending. And how you can only do that if you wake the queen up and the dream disappears?" "...I hate this already." "Yeah," you say sympathetically. "I know. But... I think maybe it's right? About how the only way to get your happy ending is by making it through the hard times? I mean... finding out the island is an illusion is the saddest part of the whole game. All those people who love you are gone." "Then why do it?" he asks. "Isn't it better to just... let him be happy?" You're kind enough not to point out the slip. "No, because... the key to the last dungeon is in the ruined throne room. It even says on the door that [[people who haven't faced the truth will never reach paradise."]]

tennaPoints: tennaPoints + 1 -- "How am I supposed to know that by now?" you ask him. "It's been like... weeks. We're not even dating yet, we've just been on a few coffee dates." "If it's real love, it's meant to be AT FIRST SIGHT," Small Mike counters. "That's just what people say when they don't want to admit they fucked a stranger! Could I love him in the future? Sure I could, he's sweet and hot and funny and I like him a lot. Do I love him *now*? Of course not! That would be bad for both of us." Small Mike considers this. "I really don't want to have to just TRUST you with this." "Well," you say. "You do." "...Fine. We're done here, then. It's time for [[your final score.]]"

"I mean, yeah." Small Mike sighs. "I know I'm being a bad partner. And I know you both try, okay? And you do a good job with the stuff that ain't talking. I'm just kinda..." Cat Mike draws a moon and a cloud on his whiteboard and pointedly holds it up so Small Mike can see. "I'm not being like Lanino and Elnina! Come on! I'm not THAT- ...I AM being that competitive, aren't I." Small Mike runs his hand down his face. "Okay! Well! Can we make it through the game before you divorce me, at least? Because it's just EMBARRASSING when they do that stuff." "We's ain't gonna divorce you, boss," Cowboy Mike says. "We's just want you to thinks a little before you's say stuff." "It's just not always easy," Small Mike says quietly (by his standards), "being the only one who *does* say stuff. I talk all day every day except when I'm with you guys, you think I have time to *think* about the things I say? I just *talk*. And now I'm with you guys but I have an audience too, and... I dunno. I didn't mean any of that." Cat Mike wriggles out of Cowboy Mike's arms, hitting the ground on all fours, and gives Small Mike an affectionate headbutt. "Yeah, okay," Small Mike says, like Cat Mike just said words. "You too. Am I good to keep going?" At nods from both of his partners, he clears his throat. "So anyway, we're nearly done here. Your next question is gonna be [[something a little different]]..."

"Uh, he's says dat's all the union lets him to work, boss," Cowboy Mike says. "HE ISN'T IN A FREAKING UNION! WE AREN'T UNIONISED!" Small Mike clutches his head. "Does Ramb sing Tenna lullabies when he can't sleep? Does Ramb give Tenna his goodnight kiss? Does Ramb get up at 4am, even though he went to bed at 2 and he's SO TIRED he feels like he's gonna DIE, because Tenna's feeling bad and he needs his 4am shock therapy? NO! He DOESN'T! Because he's ASLEEP!" "...I'm sorry I pressed that answer?" you try. "Does Ramb make sure all of Tenna's suits are coordinated exactly how he likes? Did Ramb spend hours figuring out to work a degauss coil so it didn't hurt? Has Ramb given up his entire life for this *shitty job* just so he can investigate Mike? Does Ramb feel like even that's falling away from him because his whole life is revolving around Tenna now? NO! Ramb has HOBBIES! Ramb MODS VIDEO GAMES! And COLLECTS STAMPS! Ramb SUCKS! He CAN'T be Tenna's favourite! ...Can he?" Cat Mike [[slips out of Cowboy Mike's arms.]]

"Oh god, wait, can he? Is there something I'm missing? Do they have some kind of secret relationship?" Small Mike pulls a notebook out of his pocket and starts to scribble in it. "Ramb *does* always seem to know more than he's letting on, could he be connected to- hey!" Cat Mike lifts Small Mike off his {reveal link: 'feet', text: 'feet (either that cat\'s incredibly strong or Small Mike is WAY lighter than he looks)'} in what looks to be a crushing hug while Cowboy Mike divests him of his notebook. "Boss, you's gotta calm down. The game board's nearly overs, promise." "Yeah, right," Small Mike wheezes. "The game board. Right." "What was that about investigating?" you ask. "And what's with the-" "You's didn't hear nothing," Cowboy Mike says. "Put me down. I'm okay now." Landing on the ground {reveal link: 'again', text: 'again (though to be honest he still seems to be very far from okay)'}, Small Mike adjusts his tie and his stance. "So anyway, we're nearly done here. Your next question is gonna be [[something a little different]]..."

mikePoints: mikePoints + 1 -- Small Mike flinches back. "Wh- you- you can't answer with a question! I'M asking the questions here!" "I think you owe me one," you say. "Of course I won't! None of us will! You think I've- you think *we've* dedicated this much of our lives to Tenna to ditch him *now*?" "We's kinda did, that one time," Cowboy Mike says. "THAT DIDN'T COUNT! ...It didn't count. We'd never do it again. Anyway. I guess it's time for the [[last question.]]"

"OH MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE!" Small Mike freezes like someone just put a gun to his head. "Wait," you hiss to Cowboy Mike and Cat Mike. "He's actually *here*?" Cat Mike nods, and Cowboy Mike adds, "he's in his dressings room." "MIKE, YOU BEAUTIFUL MAN," Tenna calls. "IT'S ALMOST TIME FOR MY NIGHTLY SCREEN CLEANING!" "SURE THING, BOSS! I'LL BE RI-" With a sudden squeak, Small Mike's voice cracks right down the middle. "I'll be right there. ...Damnit, I *can't*-" "I'LL BE RIGHT THERES!" Cowboy Mike fills in for him. "Thanks," Small Mike says, looking suddenly... tired. "I guess you win, huh? Star contestant that you are. Congratulations! Take this, okay? It's your prize. Tell Tenna... Tell him I got called away or something." He shoves a small white box into your hands. [[*You got the SCREEN CLEANING KIT.*]]

"And hey," Small Mike says, smile coming back to his face, "save me a place at the wedding, yeah? Maybe I'll even sing! Everyone loves it when ol' Motormouth takes the mic! Can't spell 'PARTY' without... none of the letters in Mike! Hahaha... ha... ... I think I'm gonna hit the bar." Small Mike abruptly turns and leaves. Cowboy Mike follows him immediately, but Cat Mike stays long enough to pat your shoulder and give you a smile, which you can't help but notice drops as soon as he moves to run after his partners. You look down at the SCREEN CLEANING KIT. {reveal link: 'Open it?', text: 'It\'s a small white box with Tenna\'s beaming face carefully drawn on the lid. Inside\, there is a bottle of cleaning fluid and two soft cloths. The red one is labelled \'CLEAN\', and the yellow one is labelled \'DRY\'. A tiny green die has been embroidered on the corner of each of them.'} "MIIIIIIKE?" Tenna calls again. You put the box in your pocket. {link to: 'Epilogue S', label: 'You guess it\'s time to see him.'}

In the end, you do invite Mike to the wedding. ... He doesn't show. END

"Of course he's here," Small Mike says. "***I'LL BE RIGHT THERE, BOSS!*** He practically lives here. And- damn, it's time for his nightly screen cleaning." "Oh," you say, "I should go, I guess. And let you get to the screen cleaning. Could you show me where the gift shop is?" "Gift shop's closed, kid. But these two will get you a Tenna plush. Think of it as your prize. Just remember! You'll NEVER know Tenna as well as ME!" He runs off in the direction of Tenna's dressing room. *You got the ADORABLE MINI TENNA PLUSH.* {reveal link: 'Inspect it?', text: 'It\'s so cute. It loves you.'} You head home with a {link to: 'Epilogue A', label: 'spring in your step.'}

You and Tenna date for a long time. He can be hard to handle, but with the Mikes as mediators, planners and negotiators, you manage to avoid or get over most major obstacles. And, like you said before, you *love* a project. A few times you catch the Mikes sleeping on the job, usually after you and Tenna have had... a problem, but they seem happy enough. After all, Tenna is happy, and a happy Tenna signs bonuses and approves vacation and doesn't threaten to fire people. Will either of you ever put a ring on it? You're honestly not sure. But you've found a nice equilibrium, and you feel like you could stay like this for a long time. END

You and Tenna date on-and-off for a while. The Mikes do try to help, but he's one of the tougher projects you've taken on in your life and, after one huge fight that literally rattles the studio windows, the two of you sit down and agree to part as friends. This turns out to be the best decision you've ever made, because Tenna is a *much* better friend than he is a boyfriend. When he's not constantly in your space worrying about whether the smallest gesture means you've fallen out of love with him (and, you suspect, when the Mikes can physically remove the phone from his hand), he's good company for brunch or a trip to the movies. He never really dates again, as far as you can tell, always citing Mike as the reason he has to be home early or be up in the morning or be in Cyber City by tomorrow. As for the Mikes, you can't really call them friends, but you somewhat keep in touch. Most of their communication is warning you about Tenna's mood, and most of your communication is funny cat pictures. You send them a throuple's chopping board one time. Maybe one day Tenna will make a speech at your wedding, about your disastrous attempt at dating. Maybe Small Mike will sing. Or maybe you'll be single forever. You think, maybe, that that's okay. END

You and Tenna date for a while, but... despite your love of a project, sometimes you have to admit that you've taken on more than you can handle. He's... a lot. He's a lot more than you could have ever anticipated, and the worst part of the whole thing is that you *know* the Mikes are listening in on every one of your fights. Once, after a particularly awful one, you see Cat Mike stalking you through the backlot. He can see that you're crying. He does nothing. Small Mike smirks when he sees you in the hallway the next day, though. Eventually, you can't take it anymore. You leave Tenna a note (you don't have the heart to just ghost him) and block him on everything. The next day, and for nearly a week after, the only thing playing on his channel is reruns. ...From what you hear, the insurance claim was thousands of dark dollars. You know the Mikes hate you now- you see them around sometimes, watching and talking through their headsets- but to their credit, you never see Tenna again. They're probably keeping him away from you for his sake, but you'll take it. You can't even imagine how bad the confrontation would be if you ever had to speak to him face to face again. END

A few months later, your job transfers you to the Card Kingdom. Small Mike was right, they *do* like losers there. It's not all bad, though. The food is cheap, the puzzles are easy, and you land yourself a guy with an insane speech pattern and no ass. ...Maybe that last one *is* kinda bad, actually. Truly, this is the worst possible ending. END

"Of course he's here," Small Mike says. "***I'LL BE RIGHT THERE, BOSS!*** He practically lives here. And- shit, it's time for his nightly screen cleaning." "Oh," you say, "I should go, I guess. And let you get to the screen cleaning." "Yeah. The guys will grab you something from the gift shop on your way out. Don't screw this up." He runs off in the direction of Tenna's dressing room, and you let Cowboy Mike and Cat Mike walk you out. They do, in fact, grab you something from the gift shop on your way. *You got the TENNA PLUSH KEYCHAIN.* {reveal link: 'Inspect it?', text: 'He\'ll take good care of your keys!'} You head home with {link to: 'Epilogue B', label: 'a little hope in your heart.'}

The clock ticks round to 10am, like it always does, and Tenna's phone rings, like it always does. From your position on his dressing room couch, you ignore it, like you always do. The call goes straight to voicemail, like it always does, and Small Mike's voice fills the room. "Hey there boss, hope you're doing well! This is us checking in again! Uh, say hi, guys!" This has been happening for weeks now, ever since the night that Tenna will only call The Great Betrayal. You weren't around for it, but you saw the {reveal link: 'aftermath', text: 'wreckage'} when you called to check on him, and Small Mike has confided that he was right: it *was* the worst day of his life. Tenna had fired the three of them on the spot, of course. Chased them right out of the building, and they'd had to enlist Elnina, Lanino, Ramb, and most of the Pippins to smuggle their important possessions to them. You felt awful about encouraging them to ruin their own lives like this, but all three have admitted, in the secret brunches the four of you have, that it needed to happen. Even if it was so world-shakingly awful that *everyone* involved still has nightmares about it. You'd kept your end of the deal and slid smoothly into the Mike-shaped hole in Tenna's {reveal link: 'life.', text: 'life. Well, *part* of it, anyway. The part that a regular friend could do if they used all of their vacation and then beelined to the studio every day after work. You do *not* do bedtime stories or help him dress, you\'d set that boundary day one.'} When you'd walked in on him crying in the remains of his dressing room that day, you'd played dumb and offered him a shoulder to cry on, and you've been close ever since. [[The voicemails had started three days later.]]

The first one had been a grovelling apology that Tenna had heard about a quarter of and then thrown the phone against the wall in pure rage. You found out about it when he called you in a panic, begging you to help him put it back together so he could listen to the tape. You'd set the length of the voicemails to maximum while you were doing it, just in case. The next one was much of the same, though Tenna threw things that *weren't* the phone this time. The next one was, again, a grovelling apology, and on and on, every day at 10am on the dot, for a full two weeks. Tenna spent the duration of every voicemail yelling back at the unanswered phone about how their apologies weren't good enough, he hated them, he wished they'd just die, and you'd seriously considered calling an emergency brunch to tell the guys that Tenna needed space and they should leave him alone. And then Small Mike got sick, so the call was fifteen minutes late. And for those fifteen minutes, Tenna had a screaming meltdown unlike anything you'd ever seen before. The level of hysteria had you genuinely concerned for his safety. Tenna begged to the phone, Tenna prayed to the phone, Tenna punched himself in the side of the head like he was trying to improve his own signal and wailed about how they'd finally gotten sick of him and left him forever, they were probably saying right now how happy they were to be rid of their terrible former boss, and when the phone went straight to voicemail and Small Mike's hoarse, tired voice said, "hey boss, I'm so sorry this call is late, I'm sick as all hell so the doctor was here," Tenna curled around the phone and sobbed. So... you should have just trusted Small Mike's instincts on that one. No contact? Bad idea. Terrible idea. After that, [[the content of the voicemails changed slightly.]]

The next one had still started with an apology, but Small Mike was still in bed sick and hadn't been able to script anything. So he'd just... talked, until his voice wore out, about life. And then the next call was the same, though his voice was strong enough that the voicemail forcibly cut off this time. The next call was the same. And the next. The Mikes had a small apartment together. Cowboy Mike had started going by their actual name again, and so had Cat Mike, but Small Mike was having a little more trouble. Cat Mike was teaching piano on the side. Cowboy Mike put stickers on the kitchen window so that when the light came in there was a stained glass effect. Small Mike was trying to learn to cook. They all liked their next door neighbour, but their downstairs neighbour was a cranky old lady who liked to bang a broom against the ceiling whenever Cowboy Mike hopped anywhere. Tenna had said "What the heck?! It's not *their* fault they're a Zapper!" out loud at that one. You'd let the comment lie, afraid that if he realised he was engaging with them, he'd shut down. The apologies had gradually tapered off as the weeks had worn on, until the voicemails had become... [[just missives from a friend.]]

The dogs in the apartment block across the street kept them awake all night. Cat Mike brought home a godawful Motivational Cat Poster and stuck it on the ceiling above the bed, for his bad body feelings days. Small Mike cooked something that was mostly edible- the eggs weren't crunchy this time! Cowboy Mike was learning to use a lasso. They missed Tenna a lot. A little white dog caused a six car pile-up right outside their apartment. They missed Tenna a lot. Cat Mike switched out the microphones on his suit for just regular paws- it turned out he really couldn't stand life as just a regular Shadowguy. They missed Tenna a lot. And Tenna... has softened towards them, over the course of these months. He's gone from throwing things at the voicemails to screaming at the voicemails to making snarky comments at the voicemails to just... listening. Occasionally laughing, occasionally interjecting, but mostly listening. And you can't be absolutely sure, because maybe it's all just lining up that way, but you think he's scheduling filming so that he's there to hear them live. He'd skidded into the dressing room at 9:59:58 today and been visibly relieved to see that he hadn't missed the call. "And I said, "hey, don't get *us* involved in this! *We're* only here to see the chicken!"" Small Mike is laughing at his own {reveal link: 'story', text: 'story (Tenna is laughing, too- you\'ll have to check the tape for this comedy masterpiece later)'} as you mentally tune back in. It's nice to hear him laugh. "Anyway, the guys need to head out and we're running out of voicemail time, so..." You see Tenna deflate out of the corner of your eye. "...Can I call you back?" [[There's a different note in Small Mike's voice.]]

"Haha, that's a stupid thing to say," he continues, then speeds up to a "radio announcer commentating on a race" speed. "I know you- look, I'm gonna call you back, and you can delete the message if you want to I'll understand okay b-" The voicemail beeps, there's a pause *just* long enough to make you wonder if he's decided against it, and the phone rings again. Straight to voicemail, as always. "Boss? It's me again. I..." He sighs. "I'm having some trouble with... life. And I know it's not your problem anymore, but I need someone to talk to, even if you delete this. You'll probably delete this. It isn't your problem. I know this isn't ever how... *we* worked." Tenna sits up straighter, antennae quirking upwards. "Today's a bad day, is all. I'm trying to be someone who isn't... you know... and it's not working out. I'm *trying* to wear regular clothes, and I'm *trying* to use my real name, but it's hard. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I feel okay, but sometimes I just... the guy who looks back at me isn't the guy that I am? I look at my hands and they're *wrong*. I try to speak and my voice isn't mine. And the only thing that makes it go away is wearing the suit. And that's bad enough, but it has to be the *mask* too. I thought it was because I pretended for all these years, but it hasn't gone away even a little and now I think it might just... be a problem with me?" [[It occurs to you that you don't actually *know* Small Mike's real name.]]

"And it sucks, right? It sucks because... Pluey *has* to wear the cat suit, he seriously gets suicidal if he doesn't, but he's still *him*, and there's just me here like *oh yeah I guess it's 50:50 on if I get social anxiety when I go out in public without pretending to be another guy! I made a suit out of scraps and put it on and immediately became the guy I always wanted to be, and now I can't be anyone else!"* The tone of misery in his voice is becoming more and more pronounced as he picks up speed. He almost sounds like he's about to cry. "Everything is wrong. My body is wrong, right down to the basic shape. My face is a stranger's. My voice is wrong, and I have to make an effort to make it that way because I know the other voice isn't *mine.* And my name... I just can't get over my name. The guys have both gone back to using theirs, I don't think they ever really thought of themselves as any different, but my real name doesn't feel like *me* anymore. I've tried using it and it feels like... I dunno, if you introduced yourself to someone as *Jerry*. God. I wish I could delete this myself." You want to pick up and put down the phone yourself to save him this indignity, but Tenna is staring intently at it. You'd have to get past him. "We already screwed up so bad. We lied to you for years. We ruined your life and we ruined our lives. And I'm sorry for that, boss. I really am sorry, but I can't stop... Haha, god, this is pathetic. I know that if you ever give us another chance, it's going to have to be as *ourselves*, but... I'm already as myself as I'm ever gonna be. I don't think I can change any more. I think I'm stuck. And if you put a *gun* to my head and asked me my name, I think I'd still tell you it was-" Tenna picks the phone up. "Mike?" [after 20 seconds] TRUE END

Small Mike sits down on the stage, setting his head down next to him. Inert, dead, the head's smile settles into a rictus. "Seriously," he says, and god, that's one of those little dice guys looking back at you, the ones Tenna talks so much trash about, with tired, wild eyes and a mouth that doesn't look like it knows how to smile. "How the hell can I *ever* tell him? You think I haven't thought about it? You think I've never *wanted* to? Great, fine, I admit it, you *got* me. I'm into the boss! But what can I do about that?! Mike's his assistant, Mike's his friend, but all my research has never said anything about Mike being his *boyfriend*." "Wait," you say. "Research?" "Long story," Cowboy Mike says. "Don't asks." "You don't need to ask, I'm still gonna tell you," Small Mike says. "So... there used to be a guy called Mike, right? Used to be. He was some kind of... sound guy? Camera guy? Director? See, this is the thing, right, we *literally do not know who or what-*" Small Mike's mouth quirks into a hysterical grin- and Cat Mike flops onto his lap and rolls over to expose his belly. "You are *a grown man*," Small Mike says, seeming to relax a little under the pressure, "but fine." [[Petting Cat Mike, he continues.]]

"So we don't know who or what Mike was, but what we *do* know is he was really important to Tenna and to... just the day to day around here. Tenna called on Mike for *everything*. Mike did the music, the prizes, the special effects... and then one day he just disappeared." "He's disappeared when the mailman did," Cowboy Mike says. "Yeah! So Tenna was in this really bad relationship before. Well, actually, it sounds like it was really *good*, but one day the guy just ghosted him. In the middle of the filming day, he ran out of the building and none of us ever saw him again. But after that, when Tenna called for Mike... sometimes nothing happened? *Usually* nothing happened? And he would walk around looking for the guy, just room after room yelling for Mike, but he never showed. And *no*, before you theorise, Mike wasn't the mailman, *trust me, I've checked*. Must've called that guy a thousand times." "The mailman blocked our numbers," Cowboy Mike says. "Yeah! What a jerk," Small Mike says, like he didn't just admit to absolutely unhinged behaviour. "So anyway, Mike didn't show, right? And when he *didn't*, Tenna would get... mad. Like whenever Mike wasn't there- which, I repeat, he never, *ever* was- it would ruin Tenna's entire day. And when Tenna is having a bad day, he goes out of his way to make sure everyone else has a bad day." [[...You have a feeling you might be dodging a bullet here.]]

"It was getting to the point where people were crying every day. There was talk of a mass quitting. Nobody even had *jobs* lined up, Tenna was just being *that* unbearable. It wasn't even really his *fault*, he was going through *way* more than I'm even telling you about right now, but he was taking it out on everyone else instead of getting a bad tattoo and taking drugs like a normal person." You nod. You've been there. Your tattoo is {cycling link for: 'tattoo', choices: ['a dragon', 'a phoenix', 'a beloved children\'s cartoon character doing a line', 'a mean-spirited caricature of your ex, wearing a hat that says "ASSHOLE"', 'your best friend\'s dad, for some reason', 'a heart with "DIRK" in the middle (your ex\'s name is not Dirk)', 'a sick-ass panther']}. "And I was just... I was in the bottom tier of costuming, okay, I was a *nobody*, but I knew how to sew and I thought... maybe I could do it? So I made a costume and practiced a voice, and the next time Tenna was storming around asking for Mike I said "hey boss, it's me, Mike, what can I do for you?" And... look. I was expecting to get fired *immediately*, right? I'd just dressed up as his best friend. But he *bought it*. He calmed down! He was in a good mood the whole rest of the day! So I... kept doing it. Even moved into Mike's private room with these two. And it's been *years*, now. I've been Mike for longer than I *haven't* been Mike." [["Do you... enjoy it?" you ask.]]

"Of course I enjoy it," he says, sounding a little surprised. "I mean, it's the worst job in all of the worlds sometimes, but... I have a ton of power, I get the second-highest wage after Tenna himself, I get to look like *this*, and when I have these two working with me I can split my time between Tenna and my research pretty well. As long as I don't try to sleep normal hours." "So why are you, uh, you, and these two are still microphones?" "Oh, we's not," Cowboy Mike says, pulling their own head off to reveal... just a Zapper. While they're at it, they pull their jacket off and throw it across the room, then put their cowboy hat back on. "Dat's better. Dat jacket feels real bad." Cat Mike pulls his head off just long enough for you to see a frowning Shadowguy underneath, then shoves it firmly back on and goes back to being pet. Small Mike sighs and scratches Cat Mike's tummy. "Me and him have similar feelings about our costumes. I still think Mike isn't a cat... but this guy definitely is. And Tenna's *never* noticed, by the way. Like... he's never questioned it, even once. As long as there's *someone* there being Mike? He's happy. Which is *insane*, by the way, like how the hell was Mike a fixture for so long when nobody even knew what he *looked like*, INCLUDING TENNA, and *oh my god Pluey you are a grown man, stop biting me.* I'm already petting you! Anyway, Tenna's happy, and I'm in love with him, and so what? What does it matter? It's not like I can do anything about it." [if mikePoints < 10] {link to: 'lowmikerank', label: '"That sucks," you say.'} [else] You could comfort him. What do you say? {link to: 'lowmikerank', label: '"That sucks."'} [["Why not?"]]

"What do you mean, WHY NOT? Weren't you LISTENING? Tenna doesn't even know who I am, for starters!" "Well... who are you?" you ask. "I'm- obviously I'm *Mike*, but Tenna doesn't know... about any of this. I don't know if he even thinks Mike has *feelings* at all, or if he thinks Mike is just... the guy who's always there for him. Guy who just lives for him. Though... at this point, I guess that *is* me, isn't it?" "You could... quit being Mike and make friends with Tenna as yourself?" you suggest. "If I did that, we'd all have to quit. There *has* to be a Mike that talks, and that's me. Nobody is going to be that but me. And even if Mike disappearing into thin air again wouldn't kill Tenna, which it *would*, I don't want to do that. I really like being Mike. It's stupid, but it feels... right? The body, the voice, the confidence. It just feels like *me*. Like the person I want to be. And it's not that I don't want this, okay? I. I do want this. I want it so bad it feels like it's gonna kill me sometimes. But I can't- not like that. I can't kill Mike and step into his shoes." "Okay," you say, "then [[why doesn't Mike tell Tenna how he feels?"]]

"I don't want to be the good Pippins, though!" Small Mike says. "Nobody frowns on Mike if he goes out gambling for the night! Nobody frowns on *anything* Mike does, actually, because *nobody knows anything about him*. Like... god! Who *IS* this guy?! I'm gonna kick his ass when I find him! I'm gonna-" "OH, MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE!" Tenna's voice echoes down the hall. Small Mike startles so badly that Cat Mike is sent flying off his lap. "Damnit! It's time for his screen cleaning, I can't believe I forgot! ***I'LL BE RIGHT THERE, BOSS!*** Okay, just let me..." He trails off as he picks up his head, rictus grin still firmly in place. "Actually... could one of you do it tonight? I don't know if I'm feeling up to it." Cat Mike, seemingly the more dextrous of the two, rolls to his feet and takes the small white box that Small Mike gives him, smiling at you before darting off down the hall. "I'll clean all dis up," Cowboy Mike says. "Gotta has an empty stage for tomorrow. Sees you later, boss." They wave at you, and hop away. Small Mike... puts the Mike head back on, and turns to you, the smile already looking more natural. "Well ha-ha-hey, kid! Looks like I'm the one walking you out! C'mon, we can swing by the gift shop on the way." [[You follow him. What else can you do?]]

"So... what are you gonna do now?" you ask him as he lets you into the darkened gift shop. "After you leave? Probably get dinner, haha! You kept us here pretty late!" "No," you say, wondering idly how the Mike mask actually *works*. "About Tenna." "Nothing," he says, rummaging through the piles of merch. "I'm not gonna do anything. Why would I ruin a perfectly good thing?" "I don't know," you say. "For love?" He snorts. "My life ain't some sappy romcom. And it's like the song says, kid. *Too much love will kill you...* Damnit, it's too dark in here. Shoulda made the cat guy do this. Just take this and let's get out of here." He shoves something into your hands and hustles you out of the gift shop and [[into the parking lot.]]

"It was nice to meet you, Mike," you say. "I hope... you can be happy." "Happy? I'm happy right now! ...No, really, I am! I'm not gonna whine about what a crappy life I have because I only have two partners instead of three. I can keep rolling along like this, and hell, maybe I'll appreciate my boss's ass more now!" He laughs loudly. "Anyway, I'm guessing I'll see you around. Keep being friends with Tenna, okay? God knows he needs some of those." Small Mike waves at you as you walk away. You wave back, and as soon as you're under a streetlight, look down to see what he gave you from the gift shop. *You got the TOY MICROPHONE.* {reveal link: 'Inspect it?', text: 'Wow, you can sing all your favourite songs on this! Wait, no... the microphone sings them for you.'} You head home {link to: 'Low Epilogue', label: 'looking at the stars.'}

You do, in fact, stay friends with Tenna. He's a good guy, though you know now that you dodged one *hell* of a bullet when you let the Mikes scare you off from dating him. As much of a sweetheart as he is, you don't have the heart to let them turn you into a Tenna-whisperer. Speaking of the Mikes, you spend enough time at the studio now that you can see them at their best, and their best is *impressive*. They know how to run the studio even when Tenna is at one of his low points, can be almost anywhere almost any time, and seem to have mastered the art of switching Mikes *mid-conversation* so that one of them can use their own special skills on Tenna, sometimes two or three times in one talk. You seriously have no idea how he never notices that they're different people, though. Like. One of them is a freaking cat. Tenna mentions to you once, offhand, that Mike has seemed a little more melancholy lately. You don't know if that's true, since you don't know their base level of melancholia, but you do know that all three of them tend to... linger when they touch him. Keep conversations going just a sentence or two longer than necessary. Watch him while he walks away. Still, they're always smiling when you see them. So maybe this really is as happy as they're going to get. END

"Because if Mike gets rejected," Small Mike hisses, "Mike is going to kill himself." "Boss," Cowboy Mike says disapprovingly. "Quit pretending to be Tenna." Cat Mike backs them up by giving Small Mike an incredibly sad look. "Fine, maybe not *that*," Small Mike admits. "But seriously, what am I meant to do? Wear the mask forever? How would- uh, kissing and stuff even *work*? And then, even assuming we can find a way past *that*, what about the other Mikes? I can't just ask these guys to date Tenna *with* me! That goes into some *weird* places, and even though we don't have an HR department it's *still* gonna end badly. But then, if they're not dating Tenna with me, does that mean that two thirds of the time when Tenna goes in for a kiss, he gets rejected? He'll think that Mike just hates him sometimes! Do you *know* how Tenna reacts to thinking people hate him?!" "We, uh, we's wouldn't really mind that," Cowboy Mike says hesitantly. "Uh, helping date Tenna, I mean." "Wait, what? For real?!" Small Mike stares at Cowboy Mike like he's never seen them before. "Since when?!" They shrug uncomfortably. "I dunno what you's want me to say. We don't spend as much times *talking* to him as you do, but... he's hot." "That could work," Small Mike mutters to himself. "That could actually work..." [if facedTruth] You could: {link to: 'highmikerank', label: 'Follow this statement.'} {link to: 'truthmikerank', label: 'Remember the only way to get a happy ending.'} [else] {link to: 'highmikerank', label: 'You snap your fingers. "*Now* we\'re getting somewhere!"'}

Almost as soon as you were in the door, you received a ":-)" from Mike. So you guess it went well. You do, in fact, stay friends with Tenna, even though he feels the need to 'let you down gently' with a frankly mortifying serious conversation about his new relationship. He's a good guy, though you know now that you dodged one *hell* of a bullet when you let the Mikes scare you off from dating him. To be frank, they can *have* him. Speaking of the Mikes, you spend enough time at the studio now that you can see them at their best, and their best is *impressive*. They know how to run the studio even when Tenna is at one of his low points, can be almost anywhere almost any time, and seem to have mastered the art of switching Mikes *mid-conversation* so that one of them can use their own special skills on Tenna, sometimes two or three times in one talk. You seriously have no idea how he never notices that they're different people, though. Like. One of them is a freaking cat. ...You don't ask if they switch mid-anything else. Even when Small Mike is cheerfully regaling you with all of the details of their relationship over lunch, or brunch, or the TV dinners in the cafeteria. (How does he eat? That's another thing you don't ask about.) He also tells you, much quieter, that things are a little worse in his *other* relationship, since they can barely spend time together anymore. And sometimes he worries about the ethics of sleeping with a guy who doesn't know that he's actually three guys. But this is probably as happy as he's going to get, so... he'll take it! You guess you'll take it too. END

He points enthusiastically towards Tenna's dressing room, just as a voice calls, "OH, MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE!" Small Mike laughs softly. "Right, it's time for his screen cleaning. Could you two walk our guest out and clean up while I go do it and... talk to him?" "Sure thing, boss," Cowboy Mike says. "Remember to tells us what he says." "Great." Small Mike puts his head back on and beams at you. Come to think of it, you have no idea how the mouth of that thing works. "Thanks for everything, kid! I'll see you later!" "Good luck!" you call to his rapidly-retreating back. Cowboy Mike hops over to you. You don't know how you didn't realise they were a Zapper before. "You's ready to go yet?" "Yeah," you say. "So... what happens now?" "Uh, I guess first of all... we's gonna take you out through the gift shop." "I meant with-" You decide to just. Start walking. You do, of course, want to go through the gift shop. "Are you guys really okay with dating Tenna? "Yeah." Cowboy Mike hops along with you. "I don't feels as strong about him as Small Mike does, but... I likes him. Lots of people likes Tenna. Just Tenna ain't great at seeing dat." [["Do you think you could love him?"]]

Cowboy Mike nods. "I think... it'd be easy." "That's a good start." They do walk you out through the gift shop, though it's too dark to really see anything and Cat Mike is too busy frolicking in excitement to use what you assume is his Superior Cat Vision... so you just grab a random thing to take with you. "Hey," Cowboy Mike says as they're waving you off. "Don't forget to comes back? Tenna needs friends. And I think we likes you now." You laugh. "Okay, but you guys have to promise to tell me how it all goes!" Under the next streetlight, you check what you grabbed from the gift shop. *You got the MID-RANGE MICROPHONE.* {reveal link: 'Inspect it?', text: 'It\'s the highest quality microphone they sell... which isn\'t saying much. They keep the good ones for themselves.'} You head home {link to: 'High Epilogue', label: 'already checking your phone.'}

"That's a *video game*," Small Mike says. "It's *designed* for everything to work out. There isn't gonna be a freaking key to paradise in the wreckage of my *life*." "Probably not," you agree, "but... is it really better to live a lie?" He flinches. "It might be. If you keep living a lie, then everyone is happy forever. Nobody gets hurt. If we tell Tenna, then... even assuming he doesn't kill us, *he* gets hurt. It's been *years*. *Years* that he's thought that we're Mike." "He'll get over it eventually," you say, though you're not actually sure if he will. "And then you can be friends with him as yourselves." "...What if he doesn't get over it? What if we tell him and it just ruins him forever?" "Then... at least he'll know the truth," you say. "And he can make his own decisions based on that. And hey, you three can go public about your relationship without having to run around being Mike all the time." "Dat's a good point, boss," Cowboy Mike says. "It'd be nice for us alls to go on a date." Small Mike sighs deeply. "I know. [[I know you're right, is the thing."]]

"I know Tenna deserves to know. I know that if we keep this up, we'll be hiding forever. I know that one day, Real Mike might turn up and want his job back, and then we're *screwed* screwed. This has never been something that could last forever. If nothing else, we'll die someday. But... you're asking me to blow up my whole life. And everyone else at the studio, you think they won't suffer for this? You think Tenna won't make life hell for everyone?" "I think," you say slowly, "that the longer you leave it, the worse it's gonna be. And I think that living a lie isn't making you happy. And I think... Dragon Blazers is right. Once you face the truth, you can get to your happy ending, even if you don't know what that looks like yet." Small Mike looks to his partners in turn. "Guys?" Cat Mike rolls off Small Mike's lap and leans against him, rubbing his cheek along the angle of his head. Realising he's expected to actually answer, he grabs his whiteboard and writes **DO I HAVE TO TAKE THE COSTUME OFF? :-(** "I don't know," Small Mike says. "God knows *I* don't want to, but... [[if we're going to make friends with him as ourselves..."]]

Cat Mike looks heartbroken. "Don't give me that look. We'll figure something out." "I thinks we should tell him," Cowboy Mike says. "It ain't fair to keep a secret like dis. Also I think I might tells him on accident now." "Yeah..." Small Mike sighs. "The only way out is through, huh? Fine. Let's go tell him before I change my damn mind. All three of us." "I think you're doing the right thing," you say. "Yeah, yeah." He gives you a small, exhausted smile as he stands and picks up his head. "I better be. This is going to be the worst day of my life. Can you find your own way out of here? If I leave the building I'm just gonna start running." "Yeah, I can. Good luck, guys. Really." [[About halfway towards the door you came through to get here, you hear footsteps behind you.]]

"Hey, wait, *wait*!" Small Mike, head apparently left behind, catches up to you. "We forgot to take you out through the gift shop!" "I'm not letting you stall with the gift shop," you say. "No, I know. I'm not gonna. I just... I wanted to say... Thanks for everything, even if you're ruining my life. And take this." He shoves something into your hand. "I just have a feeling I'm not going to need it anymore." "I'm glad I met you, Mike," you say. "Keep in touch?" "Keep in touch," he agrees. "And hey... can I ask you to be a friend to Tenna while he processes everything? I know it's a lot to ask, he'll need you to be around a *lot*, but he's going to need one really, really bad, and Elnina and Lanino have their own lives. They can't be there all the time. Only Mike could be there all the time." "I'll do my best," you say before he can talk himself back out of this. "It's gonna be okay, Mike." "It's not. But thank you for lying to me." [[He gives you an attempt at a smile, and runs away.]]

You make your way through the hall, still dimly lit by the illuminated stars but seeming so much more familiar now, and unlock the door. The deadbolt isn't even heavy. You don't know why you were scared. Outside the back gates, you stand in the glow of a streetlamp and watch the studio for a few minutes, wondering if they've told Tenna yet. While you're doing that, you remember to take a look at what Small Mike gave you. It's... his own microphone, smiling at you like you're its newest friend. *You got the MICHAELPHONE.* {reveal link: 'Inspect it?', text: 'It gives you the powers of guys named Mike. Like riding a micycle.'} ... You had expected, if there was going to be any indication that the Mikes had told Tenna anything, for it to be an explosion of noise. But instead, all of a sudden, everything gets very, very quiet. All of the ambient noise of the scene stops, like a blanket of silence has been thrown over TV World and everything is holding its breath. {link to: 'True Epilogue', label: 'You feel like a coward, but... you run.'}